This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Arbor Day Disarray" from season 13, which aired on June 27, 2023.

• [The episode opens up with SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, Mrs. Puff, and Mr. Krabs enjoying pancakes at a picnic table outside Sandy's treedome, with Sandy being the host.]
• Sandy: [holding pancakes with fork, giving them to SpongeBob] Ah.
• SpongeBob: Aha, mm. [sticks fork into pancakes and eats them like a vacuum] These pancakes are delicious, Sandy. But [points to maple syrup jar] what do you call this sweet stuff?
• Sandy: That's maple syrup. [pulls down slide of tree with a bucket on it] It's kinda like jelly that comes from trees.
• Patrick: [eating pancakes] Tree jelly? Gross. I prefer mine on tap. [squirts jellyfish jelly from a nearby jellyfish onto his pancakes]
• Squidward: [gets stung by the jellyfish] Oww!
• Sandy: Welcome to Bikini Bottom's very first Arbor Day celebration!
• Patrick: [holding pancakes] Barber Day?
• SpongeBob: [with facial hair and hair on head, combing it] Well, I could use a trim.
• Mr. Krabs: I think she said Harbor Day, [reveals anchor tattoos on chest] to celebrate old Navy swabs like meself!
• Sandy: It's Ar-bor Day! It's a day to celebrate the joy of trees.
• SpongeBob: But, Sandy, you've got the only tree in town.
• Sandy: Correction, I used to have the only tree, [pulls stick lever to reveal several plant pots] but today, you're all gonna grow your own tree. [tosses pots to everyone]
• All: Ah. Ooh.
• Squidward: Trees don't grow underwater.
• Sandy: [holding acorn basket] Oh, these little fellers will. [bangs picnic table, which flips over to reveal a lab machine where she pours in the acorns]I've used the power of science to make special acorns that will grow into saltwater trees. [machine shoots special acorns into everyone's pots]
• SpongeBob: [tree grows] Oh, aww. Hellow, little tree.
• Mr. Krabs: There you go. [tree grows] Ooh, look at that.
• Mrs. Puff: Oh. [puts seed into pot, tree grows, laughs]
• Squidward: [puts seed into pot, tree grows] Oh!
• Patrick: [tosses pot, eats seed] Mmm. [tree grows inside his mouth]
• Sandy: [pulling tree out of Patrick's mouth] You don't need to chew it, you whittle stick! [puts tree into pot and gives it back to Patrick, clears throat] To keep your tree healthy, all you need to do is give it lots of fertilizer.
• Patrick: [farts] Not a problem.
• Sandy: One more thing, to grow a happy, well-rounded tree, you need to talk to 'em.
• SpongeBob: Hi, I'm SpongeBob.
• Mr. Krabs: Hey, little feller.
• Squidward: Hello.
• Patrick: Testing, testing.
• [Bubble transition to Mrs. Puff buckling her tree into her boat, putting a helmet on it.]
• Mrs. Puff: [humming] I love talking to someone who knows how to keep a secret. [starts driving, laughs] I can finally tell someone what really happened when I pulled that job in Shell City.
• [Mr. Krabs sets his tree down onto a barrel at the Krusty Krab.]
• Mr. Krabs: Mmm-hmm. Don't worry, little fella. [jotting on sign] You'll have lots of people talking to you.
• Bubble Bass: [holding patty, clears throat] Excuse me. I would like to speek to the proprietor.
• Mr. Krabs: [hangs "COMPLAINTS" sign onto tree, pointing to it] The complaint department's over there. Talk to the tree. [laughs, walks away]
• Bubble Bass: Mr. Tree, the condiment distribution of my patty is subpar.
• [At Squidward's house, he has his tree set on a dresser.]
• Squidward: Hm, if talking to a tree is good for it, I'll bet a little [holds clarinet] smooth jazz must be amazing. [plays clarinet terribly, knocking leaves off of tree, spins upside down]
• [Patrick is carrying his tree back to his rock.]
• Patrick: [humming, throwing tree into rock as he jumps in too, rock closes] [on couch holding TV remote] I'll talk to you the way nature intended, with television! [turns on TV]
• Announcer: [show title appears on TV screen] We now return to [barnacle mother is shown] "My Mother the Barnacle."
• Patrick: [moving feet, laughing, nudging tree] I love this one! [tree sags]
• [SpongeBob is tucking his tree into his bed.]
• SpongeBob: Who's a cutesy wittle tree? [pokes tree] You are! [tucks tree in his bed] Would you like to hear a bedtime story? [grabs wooden book, reading] Once upon a fertilizer, there was a mama tree, a baby tree, and a papa tree who went out to the forest, when they suddenly met little Goldy Lumberjack.
• Barky: Ugh, what a dumb story. Would you put a sock in it? I'm trying to get some shut-eye.
• SpongeBob: You can talk? [hugs tree] I'm gonna name you Barky.
• Barky: [shoves SpongeBob] Let go already. You're wrinkling my leaves, you filter feeding freak.
• French Narrator: [narrating time card] A little while later...
• [In Sandy's treedome, her phone rings. Sandy answers it, and a split-screen of her and SpongeBob appears.]
• SpongeBob: Hello, Sandy?
• Sandy: Oh, howdy, SpongeBob. How's your new tree dong? Are you talking to it?
• SpongeBob: I'm trying, but to be honest, I really haven't been able to get a word in edgewise. My tree's been doing all the talking.
• Sandy: [Barky taps on SpongeBob] Are you feeling okay, SpongeBob?
• SpongeBob: Hang on. Barky wants to talk to you. [puts Barky on phone]
• Barky: Why did you leave me with this giggling hunk o' holes? He's dimmer than a half-watt bulb in a power outage.
• Sandy: Well, smack my tail [jumps into suit] and call me twitchy! [runs off] I'll be right there! [cut to her arriving in front of SpongeBob's house, where she puts her ear up to the door]
• Barky: [off-screen] Bring me a glass of water! Change my soil!
• Sandy: [opens door] Huh?
• Barky: [being held by SpongeBob] Look out for the roots! Ugh, your breath smells. Why are you all face and no body?
• Sandy: Hoo, [slaps knee] doggy! [points to Barky] This little shrub is a real chatterbox.
• Barky: Get me out of this dump! A sensitive tree like me needs sun.
• [Bubble transition to SpongeBob and Sandy in downtown Bikini Bottom. SpongeBob is wheelbarrowing Barky along the road.]
• Barky: Oh, it's too cold out here. The sun is too bright. Somebody get me a sweater. I want to go back inside.
• Sandy: Aww, I wanted to make saltwater trees, but this one's a bit too salty.
• SpongeBob: I wonder how everyone else's trees are doing.
• [Meanwhile, Mrs. Puff's trees has taken the wheel and is driving down a steep road.]
• Mrs. Puff: [screams] I shouldn't have let him drive! [screams as boat hits a trash can, boat runs past SpongeBob and Sandy]
• SpongeBob: Eh, at least Mrs. Puff is having a good time.
• [Bubble transition back to the Krusty Krab, where there is a line to the complaints tree. A customer walks away as Lady Upturn approaches.]
• Lady Upturn: [holding bad Krabby Patty] Excuse me, but this Krabby Patty tastes awful.
• Mr. Krabs' tree: Well, you look awful, but you don't hear me complaining.
• Lady Upturn: Oh, [drops patty] I am offended! [leaves]
• Mr. Krabs' tree: And offensive! [sniffs] Oh, P.U., what stinks? Is that the customers, or has the garbage man started making deliveries?
• Customer: Huh? [drops tray and leaves]
• Mr. Krabs' tree: [laughs]
• Customers: [leaving] I'm outta here! This used to be a respectable place.
• Mr. Krabs: People are [claws up to eyes] complaining about me complaint department complaining!
• [Bubble transition back to Squidward's house, where he is still playing the clarinet badly in front of the tree.]
• Squidward's tree: [covering nonexistent ears] Agh, what is that horrible noise? [points] You should register that thing as a lethal weapon.
• Squidward: What?
• Squidward's tree: It's okay, buddy. Talent isn't everything.
• Squidward: Huh.
• Squidward's tree: In your case, it's nothing.
• [Bubble transition back to Patrick's rock, where he is still watching TV with his tree. There are pizza slices scattered along the ground. Patrick is eating pizza slices from a pizza box. He then sucks on his hand.]
• TV announcer: [show title card appears] And now back to "The Sir Urchin & Snail Fail Show!"
• [Snail Fail hits Sir Urchin with a flower pot.]
• Sir Urchin: Why you!
• Snail Fail: [shrugging] What I do?
• Patrick's tree: Yeesh, I'm just one day old, and even I can see this show is for babies.
• Patrick: [laughs]
• Patrick's tree: You don't get it, do you?
• Patrick: [in baby outfit] Get what? [takes pizza slice out of pants and eats it, tree slumps]
• [Bubble transition to the back of the Krusty Krab, where Mr. Krabs opens the back door.]
• Mr. Krabs: [tossing his tree, breaking it out of its pot] Out you go! Huh. [slams door]
• Mr. Krabs' tree: I'm free! [runs off]
• [Meanwhile, Mrs. Puff's tree is still driving recklessly around town.]
• Mrs. Puff: [screams, slams on brakes] This joyride is over! [tossing tree out, breaking it out of its pot, drives off]
• Mrs. Puff's tree: Does this mean I don't get my license? [runs off]
• [The acorns that have been left behind hatch into smaller trees, which wander off in different directions. Mrs. Puff's tree goes up to a telephone and dials the police department.]
• Mrs. Puff's tree: [on phone] Hello, police department? I got a lead on that Shell City job.
• [Bubble transition to Conch Street, where Squidward's tree is heard talking as Squidward opens the door and takes him outside.]
• Squidward's tree: Hey, Squidward, your barber called. He said he's sorry!
• Squidward: [tosses tree] Philistine! [slams door]
• Squidward's tree: [groans as it hits the ground, breaking from its pot] Come on, boys. Let's have some fun! [runs off, acorns hatch and baby trees run after it]
• [Bubble transition to the park, where a lady is reading the newspaper on a bench while her worm approaches a tree.]
• Worm: [sniffs, positions itself to pee on tree before the tree kicks it away]
• [Bubble transition to Fred's bathroom, where he is wearing a towel as he opens the shower curtains, revealing a tree is taking a shower.]
• Tree: Glug glug glug-- hey, buddy, wait your turn!
• Fred: [screams, runs off]
• [Bubble transition to children playing at the playground. Two trees are burying two children in a sandbox with shovels.]
• Tree: Relax. This will help you grow big and strong.
• [Bubble transition back to SpongeBob and Sandy, still transporting Barky. They see another tree throw several acorns on the ground]
• Fish: [opens door, angry] Hey! [screams as the acorns grow into trees that enter his house]
• [Another tree kicks a trash can over. Another tree throws a banana peel on the ground where a fish is walking.]
• Lifeguard fish: [humming, trips over]
• [A female fish tramples the lifeguard fish as she runs away from a tree chasing after her. Two more fish run away from several more trees chasing them. The trees steal Barky from SpongeBob's wheelbarrow.]
• SpongeBob: Huh?
• Tree: Thank you!
• Barky: So long, chump!
• Mr. Krabs: [with Mrs. Puff and Squidward, all angry] [pointing] There she is! [other people show up] This Arbor Day anarchy is all [points at Sandy] her fault!
• Mrs. Puff: Those trees are ruining everything! [gasps as she hears police sirens] Agh! I gotta go. [runs away]
• Squidward: Hey, they're made of wood. I say we burn 'em.
• Citizens: Yeah! Burn 'em!
• SpongeBob: Squidward, that's not the spirit of Arbor Day.
• Sandy: Everyone, calm down! I've got a plan.
• [An explosion is heard as a tree runs in front of them, laughing. Bubble transition to Sandy placing a flyer onto a tree.]
• Sandy: Hm, ah! [runs off]
• Tree: [approaching flyer] Ooh.
• SpongeBob: [on megaphone, holding flyer] Come on, come all to Log-a-palooza! [approaching tree who pops a balloon from an ice cream stand, giving it a flyer] It's an Arbor Day extravaganza! All you can eat fertilizer! [runs away and approaches two more trees, giving them flyers] If you're a tree, you get in for free. [runs off]
• [Bubble transition to the Log-a-palooza in front of Sandy's treedome. Several trees are standing in front of a stage. The trees are chattering, and an air horn blares as Sandy comes onstage wearing a hat and cane.]
• Sandy: [waving] Howdy, folks! [points to audience] Are your roots too wrinkly? Are your leaves feeling wilted?
• Tree: [rubbing arm] Hmm, my bark is feeling a little rough.
• Sandy: Then try my [curtain opens to reveal the machine] wonderful makeover machine, the Arbor Revitalizer! Look your best this Arbor Day! Do I have any volunteers?
• Patrick's tree: [next to Patrick, who is wearing a log hat and T-shirt] Yeah, I'll give your [runs up to stage, leaving pot] dumb machine a try.
• [Sandy runs the machine, which turns into a suction machine that sucks Patrick's tree in it. It comes out the other end as a chair.]
• Tree: [all gasp in horror] Run for your leaves! [all run away]
• Chair: Everyone wait! I love it! [trees come back, oohing] I was destined to rot in the woods somewhere, but look at me now! I'm a chair! I've never felt so smooth.]
• Trees: Whoa. Phew.
• Tree: He does look pretty handsome.
• [The trees, and Patrick, start running to the machine.]
• Tree #2: I want to be a chair too.
• Tree #3: I want to be a credenza!
• Tree #4: I want to be a sawhorse!
• Patrick: I want to be a table!
• [The trees all jump into the machine.]
• Trees: Me! Me next, me next! Wow!
• Sandy: Whoo-hoo!
• [The trees come out the other end of the machine as various pieces of furniture. They cheer. Bubble transition to downtown Bikini Bottom, where Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff sitting on walking chairs.]
• Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff: [sigh]
• Mr. Krabs: [laughs]
• [Three fish are sitting on a walking table. Two kids are playing jump rope while two chairs hold the jump ropes.]
• Kid: These guys are great! [both laugh]
• SpongeBob: [in front of Sandy's treedome, rocking in a chair] Good thinking, Sandy. Furniturizing really calmed these trees down.
• [Sandy tries to sit in a chair, but both chairs move away.]
• Chairs: [high-five, walk away] Yeah, chairs rule! [laughing]
• SpongeBob: [Sandy rubs her back] Well, most of them anyway.
• Sandy: I think I'll skip Arbor Day next year.