This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Doing Time" from season 3, which aired on January 21, 2002.

• [The episode starts at the boating school and Mrs. Puff is panicking while SpongeBob is in his driving test again and destroying stuff, as usual.]
• SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mrs. Puff! This is the one! This is the one! Come on, SpongeBob! Think! Think! Uhh... [destroys the lighthouse] Turn that way! Turn that way! No, turn that way! Right! Left! Oh no! No! [destroys the school building] Come on, react! Don't react! Come on! [a nuclear explosion is heard and a mushroom cloud appears] No, I'm ready! I can do this, Mrs. Puff! I can do it! I can do it! [flies through the entrance while driving, constantly destroying it, leading the fences falling down]
• Mrs. Puff: The driving test is over, SpongeBob. Stop the boat!
• SpongeBob: Wait! I can do this, Mrs. Puff! I can do this!
• Mrs. Puff: [SpongeBob and Mrs. Puff are out of the road] Oh! The road, SpongeBob! Get back on the road!
• SpongeBob: [while struggling to get back on the road] Got to pass the test! Got to pass! [Mrs. Puff is screaming as the boat goes through a cart of watermelons and crashed it]
• Sandals: Hey, what do you got against the melons?
• Mrs. Puff: Look out!
• SpongeBob: [has a watermelon on his face] This must be the night driving part of the test.
• [Scene cuts to two police officers Nancy and Malley using their nightsticks to hit something off-screen.]
• Officer Nancy: We're going to straighten you out!
• Incidental 118 (Orange): This'll fix you! [they grunt as they hit a parking meter for repairs until it's straight and fixed] Now let's get that one. [points his nightstick at another broken and crooked parking meter. SpongeBob and a screaming Mrs. Puff drive by through a building, knocking it over]
• Officer Nancy: Barnacles, did you see that?!
• Incidental 118: Yeah, that guy had no front license plate. Let's get him. [SpongeBob looks back at the numerous police cars chasing behind him and Mrs. Puff]
• SpongeBob: Hey, look at all those police! I wonder if the president's in town.
• Mrs. Puff: [gasps] Look out!
• [Scene cuts to the mayor cutting a ribbon at the end of a bridge that is not finished.]
• Mayor: It is with great pride that I officially open this unfinished bridge! [SpongeBob drives through the ribbon and rips it before he cuts it. The crowd of people that are gathering around the mayor take pictures. SpongeBob and Mrs. Puff do not make it on the other side of the unfinished bridge so they fall to the bottom as Mrs. Puff still screams]
• Mrs. Puff: Where did I go wrong?! [flashback to Mrs. Puff's first day of her new boating school] With the opening of my new boating school, I pledge that as long as a student is willing to learn, I shall never give up. [SpongeBob walks up to meet her]
• SpongeBob: Hi, I'm SpongeBob SquarePants.
• [Scene cuts back to Mrs. Puff, who is still screaming. Scene then shows a retirement home where a fish in a white coat is yelling at a truck that has fruit punch.]
• Shady Shoals Caretaker: Hurry up with that truckload of fruit punch! The seniors are getting cranky! [fish looks up and notices SpongeBob and Mrs. Puff crashing into the truck]
• Mrs. Puff: Alive! I'm alive! Oh, thank Neptune, I'm still...
• [Suddenly, a police squad car smashes down on the boat mobile. The other police squad cars fall on and around the truck and others fall on the ground. The truck falls over on its side as all the fruit punch comes pouring out.]
• Tom: [with a feminine voice, inside the retirement home, he is opening windows] Alright, seniors, let's open these windows so the world can see your nice white clothes.
• [Fruit punch pours in and everyone screams. Scene cuts to Fred, who is mopping the hallway and listening to "Surfin' Summer" by Richard Myhill on his headphones. The fruit punch fills the hallway, drains, and Fred is still mopping the same spot. Scene cuts to an elderly fish man, who is writing on some paper made out of red ink from his red pen.]
• Incidental 81: Oh, it's finally finished! A memoir of my life written in red ink. [red punch comes flowing in, making his memoir papers soggy and red] Aww, barnacles!
• [Scene cuts back to outside where all the mess is.]
• Mrs. Puff: Ow. SpongeBob, are you okay?
• SpongeBob: That depends. Did I pass?
• Officer Nancy: Freeze, you're under arrest!
• Mrs. Puff: Hold it, you can't arrest him! He's just a student driver!
• Officer Nancy: We're not talking about him!
• [Scene cuts to nightfall and Mrs. Puff wearing a prison uniform, being locked up in jail from the Bikini Bottom Jail.]
• Mrs. Puff: But I don't belong here! It's all a big mistake!
• Prisoner Female #1: Yeah, I don't belong here, either!
• Prisoner Female #2: Me too! I'm innocent!
• Prisoner Female #3: [yelling in a butch Southern drawl] I belong here! [this triggers some other prisoners to complaining about their not belonging here too. Mrs. Puff walks over and sits down on the bed]
• Mrs. Puff: Okay. You can do this, Puff. You can get through this without losing your sanity. Oh, that's a road we don't want to go down again. Positives. Think of the positives. Let's see... I've got no more papers to grade. Yeah! [laughs then jumps to the floor] In fact, no more work. No more boating school classes. No more driving, no more SpongeBob... [her brain clicks and a sonar ping is heard] No more phone solicitors, no more SpongeBob! No more company potlucks, no more SpongeBob! [gets into bed] No more road rage, no more SpongeBob! No more insurance payments, no more SpongeBob! No more SpongeBob! [laughing] No more SpongeBob! [screaming maniacally] No more SpongeBob! [sighs] I think I'm going to like this place.
• [Scene cuts to her boating school, which is now deserted and dusty, with SpongeBob the only one in the room.]
• SpongeBob: Class just isn't the same without Mrs. Puff. Just the thought of her alone and afraid in jail makes me think about her being alone and afraid in jail. I don't know how she's going to survive.
• [Scene cuts to Mrs. Puff with a happy expression.]
• Mrs. Puff: [hums while breaking rocks. Scene cuts to her making license plates] ♪Smelling the pretty roses, whoo hoo hoo.♪ [scene cuts to her lifting weights] ♪Haaappiness is just two kinds of ice creeeeam!♪ [cuts back to SpongeBob]
• SpongeBob: Oh, that poor woman. And it's all my fault. Maybe if I go talk to Patrick, he can ease my guilt.
• [Scene cuts to the outside of Patrick's rock.]
• Patrick: Well, it sounds like it's all your fault.
• SpongeBob: Oh, you're right! Mrs. Puff's in jail and it's all because of me! I'm such a barnacle head! [Patrick takes one of his dots and puts it in the place of where his nose would be if he had one] Poor Mrs. Puff. I know, I got to get her out! But to get her out of jail, first we got to get in jail.
• Patrick: How are we going to do that?
• [Scene cuts to the First Nautical Bank.]
• SpongeBob: Alright, put the money in the bag! [he is in the bank, wearing a sock over his head, with a bag in his hands, facing the wrong way] Put it in!
• Incidental 41: [as a bank teller] Umm, you're facing the wrong way, sir.
• SpongeBob: [turns around and laughs, then yells again] Alright! Give me the money!
• Incidental 41: Will that be from your savings or your checking account, sir?
• SpongeBob: Uhh, savings.
• Incidental 41: May I please see some identification?
• SpongeBob: Sure. [takes out a card and gives it to the bank teller] Here ya go.
• Incidental 41: Thank you. [SpongeBob's Jellyfishers Club Membership card is shown. As the bank teller types on the cash register, SpongeBob lifts up the sock on his head and gives Patrick a thumbs up] Sir, we are showing a balance of zero dollars and zero cents for both of your accounts.
• SpongeBob: Oh.
• Incidental 41: Next! [SpongeBob and Patrick walk out of the bank]
• SpongeBob: Well, that went better than expected.
• Patrick: Yeah! I didn't think we'd get Mrs. Puff out of jail this fast!
• [SpongeBob's eyes rip through the sock. Scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick now disguised as yellow and pink rocks.]
• SpongeBob: Don't worry, Patrick, we'll get into jail this time. [a truck full of rocks drives up]
• Incidental 23: Hey, there's a couple. [gets out and throws the two rocks in the truck]
• Guard: Put your back in it, girls! [female prisoners are crushing rocks outside. The truck arrives and unloads more rocks]
• SpongeBob: Look, Patrick, there she is! [both jump over to Mrs. Puff where she is about to hit them] Mrs. Puff, wait, it's us, SpongeBob and Patrick!
• Mrs. Puff: That's funny. For a second, I thought that yellow rock talked to me. And its voice sounded a lot like...
• SpongeBob: SpongeBob. It's me, SpongeBob. [Mrs. Puff screams as she throws the pickaxe behind her] We're going to bust you out of here. Come on, Mrs. Puff! [Mrs. Puff starts shaking]
• Mrs. Puff: It's you. What are you doing here? Why did you follow me in here? Why?! [the first guard walks up, with Mrs. Puff's pickaxe in his head]
• Guard #1: Alright, Mrs. Puff, it looks like this heat's gone to your head. If you're going to talk to rocks, I guess it's time for you to go on kitchen duty.
• Mrs. Puff: Yes, it must be the heat. Yes. [walks off]
• SpongeBob: Darn it! Okay, Patrick, let's get out of here. [a female prisoner walks over] No, wait! [she smashes the two rocks into pieces] There goes our deposit on these costumes.
• [Scene cuts to lunchtime where Mrs. Puff is serving chili to the prisoners.]
• Mrs. Puff: There you are. [a woman with a deep voice walks up to Mrs. Puff]
• Donna: Hey there, Puff Mama. What's today's grub?
• Mrs. Puff: Hi, Donna. It's chili, same as always. Let me get you some. [scoops up SpongeBob's nose and Mrs. Puff gasps]
• SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff, it's me, SpongeBob!
• Mrs. Puff: When are these horrific hallucinations going to end?
• [SpongeBob gets out of the chili.]
• SpongeBob: No, it's really me! [pulls Patrick up out of the chili] I brought Patrick along too.
• Patrick: Hi.
• Mrs. Puff: Why?
• SpongeBob: 'Cause we're going to set you free!
• Mrs. Puff: No, I mean, why'd you bring him?
• [Patrick eats some chili.]
• SpongeBob: He likes chili. Now quick, get in before someone sees. [makes a rectangle-shaped entrance in the chili]
• Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob, I am not going with you.
• SpongeBob: [laughs] That's a good one, Mrs. Puff. Now hop in. Come on!
• Patrick: SpongeBob, I think she means it.
• SpongeBob: Oh, that's crazy, Patrick.
• Mrs. Puff: He's right, SpongeBob. I'm staying.
• SpongeBob: But why?
• Mrs. Puff: I like it here. These are my people! [cut to a shot of some angry, gruff looking female prisoners] And besides, if I'm in here, that means I won't have to deal with yooou... [we see SpongeBob sad. He is sniffling as a single teardrop falls from his eye, almost crying in the chili] ...uranium! In the water supply. [whips out a glass of water] See? Crystal clear! [guzzles the water and tosses away the glass] Aahhhh!
• SpongeBob: Excuse us just one second, Mrs. Puff. [to Patrick] Patrick, she has lost it! She's completely institutionalized. She's forgotten what it's like to live on the outside. To not be in prison.
• [Scene cuts to Steve in traffic, then at his desk for work from the office, and then staring out his bedroom window at night.]
• Steve's wife: Coming to bed, honey?
• Steve: Yes, dear.
• [Scene cuts back to SpongeBob and Patrick.]
• SpongeBob: We've got to remind her that there is a life other than this. Mrs. Puff, if you come with us, I'll stay after school and decorate the whole classroom.
• Mrs. Puff: For the last time, no! [SpongeBob and Patrick disappear inside the chili as a guard walks up] I'm not going with you! That's final! [notices the guard] Oh. [laughs nervously]
• Guard #1: Talking to inanimate objects again, huh, Puff? Hmph. Get back to your cell. No more kitchen time for you.
• [Mrs. Puff walks off sad. SpongeBob and Patrick watch her. Scene cuts to Mrs. Puff burning coal into wire hangers until SpongeBob and Patrick come down the conveyor belt.]
• SpongeBob: Quick, Mrs. Puff, hop on!
• Mrs. Puff: Guards! Guards, come quick! [the guard runs over to her] There's a crazed ex-student of mine and his overweight friend here to break me out!
• Guard #1: That's just raw material used to make coat hangers. You need some rest. [grunts as he pushes the level down, squishing SpongeBob and Patrick, which fills the room up with steam.]
• [Scene cuts to Mrs. Puff brushing her teeth. SpongeBob and Patrick come up from the toilet.]
• SpongeBob: Psst! [Mrs. Puff screams] Hop in, Mrs. Puff.
• Mrs. Puff: Guards! Guards, come look! [a guard runs over and sees SpongeBob and Patrick in the toilet]
• Guard #1: Whoa. They don't pay me enough to do this job. [The guard flushes the toilet, sending SpongeBob and Patrick into the sewers. Cuts to Mrs. Puff in her bed. SpongeBob and Patrick peek from the top bunk]
• SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff, up here.
• Mrs. Puff: Guards, guards! They're back! [two guards walk up]
• Guard #1: What's all the hubbub, Puff?
• Mrs. Puff: They're back! [the prison guards remove their masks, because they're just costumes, showing them as SpongeBob and Patrick]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Mrs. Puff, it's us! [both wink and give her a thumbs up]
• Mrs. Puff: [screams and cries into her eyes as SpongeBob and Patrick looked worried and head off. The two real prison guards run up]
• Guard #1: What the barnacle is going on?
• Mrs. Puff: [Looking up, unaware that they're the real guards] Get away from me! Get away!
• Guard #1: What are you talking about, Puff?
• Mrs. Puff: You can't fool me! You're SpongeBob and that guy who likes the chili. [Mrs. Puff grabs the guards faces and rips them off, exposing their skulls]
• Guard #1: Let's face it, Puff. You've gone off the deep end.
• [Scene cuts to a second prison guard throwing Mrs. Puff, who is in a straitjacket, in a small, yellow square room, which has a rubber duck in the corner.]
• Guard #2: Get in there, you! You need a nice long stay in solitary confinement! [slams the door, which makes a squeaking sound]
• Mrs. Puff: Oh, well. Let's look at the positives again. I'm finally away from those two. Yes. All alone in my nice, soft room.
• SpongeBob: Made of sponge! [laughs hysterically. The room is made of yellow sponge as SpongeBob's face appears on all sides of the wall. Mrs. Puff screams in terror as the scene goes back to SpongeBob driving in mid-air with the police behind them again.] I can pass the test, Mrs. Puff! I can pass the test! [the boats crash into the truck full of fruit punch, knocking it over, and spilling again]
• Incidental 118 (Light teal): Freeze! Your joyride's over, punk. [police officers walk over]
• Mrs. Puff: No! What? [policemen arrest SpongeBob this time, because he now failed the driving test] Huh? What?
• SpongeBob: No. No! What are you doing?! Help! Help! [as the officers carry him to the jail vehicle, he kicks his legs] No, no, please! No! I have a snail to feed! I can't go to jail now! This is not a good time! No, please, please! I'm not a criminal! [they throw him into the back of the police van, then drive off to jail]
• Mrs. Puff: I can't believe it. It was all a dream. I'm not going to jail!
• Incidental 118 (Orange): Why would you go to jail? You already did your time. [zoom out to reveal Mrs. Puff wearing prison striped clothes of black and white with a prison ball chained to her ankle. She screams as the scene goes back to her screaming while the boat is in mid-air again as she's driving it with the police behind her]
• Mrs. Puff: Huh? Oh... it's just my imagination again. [zooms out to show Donna driving the boat]
• Donna: So, what's for dinner tonight, Puff Mama, chili? [Mrs. Puff screams again as the scene goes back to her with SpongeBob driving the boat in mid-air one last time, but without the police cars behind them]
• Mrs. Puff: Huh? What? Huh? Ah, forget it. [the episode ends]