Family Plotz/transcript — spongebob

This article is a transcript of the The Patrick Star Show episode "Family Plotz" from season 2, which aired on November 9, 2023.

[The episode begins with a shot of a pot and stew. Carrots and a rubber duck float inside. The duck squeaks. Cecil surfaces, wearing goggles and a swimming cap.]
Cecil: [spits out soup] Ahh! [takes off goggles, showing his eyes shrunk] Nothing more relaxing than making a big pot of [zoom out to show him in a giant pot, cooking over the stove] Cecil's savory soupestroni! [dives back in]
[The other Stars are at the dinner table, set with empty bowls. They are wearing bibs and banging spoons.]
Bunny, Patrick, GrandPat, Squidina: [pounding table] Soupestroni! Soupestroni! Soupestroni!
Cecil: [surfaces, salutes] Aye, aye, family! [takes out a ladle] Ha-ha!
[He scoops up some of the souprestroni into the ladle, with a sock on it. He slurps up the sock and smacks his lips.]
Cecil: Hmm... It's perfect!
Bunny, Patrick, GrandPat, Squidina: [excited gasp]
Cecil: [gets out of soup] -ly ready to simmer for [looks at watch] about 11 more minutes! [together] Aw. Boo.
Patrick, Bunny, Squidina: Awww...
GrandPat: Boo!
Cecil: Hey, you can't rush art.
[Cecil flings some of the soupestroni at Patrick, who catches it in his mouth, which is positioned above his head. As he swallows, his mouth moves back into its normal position. Patrick tastes it for a bit.]
Patrick: [shrugs] Yeah, he's right. It needs more time.
[The family frown and look at their empty bowls. Cecil comes up and grabs Patrick.]
Cecil: Don't look so glum, chums! We can pass the time at the park!
GrandPat: Oh, the park? [groans]
[Birds chirp as a shot of the park is shown. The camera zooms out to show a cemetery right next to it, and thunder crashes. A tornado flies by and spins the signpost, reversing the signs. The Stars drive to the cemetery.]
Squidina: Hey, Dad, are you sure [points backwards] that sign is right?
Cecil: Sign? [laughs] Oh, sweetie, you know I can't read and drive. [takes out two puppets]
Orange puppet: Yeah, that would be dangerous!
Blue puppet: Safety first!
Cecil: [laughs as they drive through the cemetery gates] Here's the park.
Bunny: Ooh! [points] There's a spot!
[Cecil eats his puppets and drives over a hill, knocking over gravestones. He parks the car right after smashing into one.]
Cecil: Whoopsie-doodle. [looks at grave] I bumped the curb. [laughs, backs car out] Let me just even out a little. [smashes into more graves] Ooh, one more time! [drives forward, loud thud] Nope. [backs up into the same graves, loud thud]
[The car's hood is smoking. It grows a mouth.]
Car: That's enough! [spits the Stars out]
Patrick, Bunny, Squidina, and GrandPat: [laying on floor covered in drool, groan]
Cecil: Ooh, I know! Let's have a picnic! [takes a tablecloth out of his pants and lays it out] Ya-ha! [takes out picnic basket] Just a light pre-soup snack.
Bunny: [wearing yoga outfit and holding mat] Have fun, dear! [kisses Cecil]
Cecil and Bunny: Mwah!
Bunny: I wanna try that [walks away] yoga in the park. [hums]
Squidina: So, big brother, what do you wanna play?
Patrick: Ooh, ooh, [leans forward expectantly] hide and hide!
Squidina: Uh, how about hide and [holds out hand] seek instead?
Patrick: Never heard of it. [eyes widen] Is it new?
Squidina: Eh, you learn by playing. Ready, [Patrick makes a strange face] set, go!
[Patrick keeps shaking in place and laughing. Squidina glances at the camera, bored.]
Squidina: [tries to push him] Go! [Patrick runs away and Squidina falls on her face] 1, 2, 3--
[Cut to GrandPat whistling and holding out a stick.]
GrandPat: You want the stick, boy?
Tinkle: [panting]
GrandPat: Go get it! [throws stick, Tinkle returns with a corpse in his mouth] Hey, I recognize that stick! I think he owes me money! [reaches for the corpse, Tinkle growls and zooms off, GrandPat gasps] Tinkie, you rascal! [runs after him] Get back here!
[Pan to Cecil putting cheese slices on a piece of bread.]
Cecil: You got your cheese. You got your cheese. You got your cheese. [runs out of cheese] Whoops. [laughs] I need more cheese.
[He opens the picnic basket, showing a giant stack of cheese. He puts it on the sandwich, sticks the other piece of bread in his mouth, and climbs the stack. As a scene transition, Tinkle runs past and GrandPat chases him.]
GrandPat: [exhausted] Whew, I'm dead tired. I gotta rest. [looks at something] Ooh.
[He sees a building labeled Eternal Rest Mortuary with a sign reading "Our Prices Are to Die For" and a neon sign of a fish rising from its coffin.]
GrandPat: Eternal Rest Mortuary? [opens doors] That's a great name for a spa! [climbs onto a table] Last nap I took outside the house didn't work out so well.
[Flashback to GrandPat, dressed as Goldilocks, waking up in a small bed. A family of sea bears growls at him. GrandPat screams. The flashback fades out.]
GrandPat: Ah, people are still talking about it. [falls asleep, snores]
[Slappy walks by, whistling. He snaps one of his rubber gloves on. He notices GrandPat.]
Slappy: Ooh, [steps up to table] what a pleasant surprise. [stretches GrandPat's head] With this amount of skin slippage, this corpse must be at least two weeks' old. Time to start the embalming fluid. This will be a tough job, but I will make you beautiful. [pulls down hose]
[A cheese sandwich transitions to Cecil in space, having climbed the stack of cheese.]
Cecil: [puts bread on] And bread.
[He jumps down and swallows the sandwich. As he falls from the atmosphere, his body burns up. He falls back into the water and gets extinguished. He lands back on the picnic blanket.]
Cecil: [chomping] Ahh, that was the best pre-soup snack I've ever had. [puts hands on face] I just wish I had somewhere comfier to digest it. [kicks legs, then notices something] Ooh! [grabs two gravestones] I can build something comfy out of these [picks them up] fun blocks for kids. [to camera] Speaking of kids, I wonder what my kids, Patrick and Squidina, are up to?
[Fade to Squidina walking through the cemetery, giggling and looking around.]
Squidina: Golly gee, where, oh, where can Patrick be hiding?
[Patrick is heard giggling as we see a star-shaped silhouette.]
Squidina: Hmm.
[Lightning flashes, revealing it to be a star-shaped bush. Pan to another star silhouette. Patrick giggles.]
Squidina: Maybe...
[Lightning flashes, showing the shape is a gravestone. Pan to another star shape.]
Squidina: Maybe...
[Lightning flashes and the camera zooms out, showing it to be a star-shaped decoration on top of a mausoleum.]
Squidina: Hmm...
[She hears Patrick giggling and turns around. Patrick is standing with his eyes covered by a flower wreath.]
Squidina: Found you!
Patrick: What? [eyes pop through wreath] How? Oh, you're good. [lightning strikes him and zaps the wreath, burning his head] Ooh, ooh, now it's my turn to [runs away] hiiide!
Squidina: Hey! You're the seeker! [Patrick looks shocked] You count while I hide!
Patrick: [stops running] Ohhh. I get it now. [walks up into a grave robber and covers his eyes] 1, [mouth wraps around head] 2, C, uh, banana.
Purple grave robber: 1, 2, 3--
Patrick: [pokes him] Hey! You guys are messing up my counting.
Purple grave robber: [turns around with a bag full of gold, picks up the other robber out of the grave] Hey, you!
Patrick: [whimpers]
Purple grave robber: [kindly] You skipped a number.
Blue grave robber: [excited] We'll help you count! [to other grave robber] We're real good at counting.
Patrick: Okay!
[The purple grave robber covers Patrick's eyes as the other robber continues stealing.]
Purple grave robber: One platinum watch, two silver cufflinks, [Squidina runs by] three gold teeth--
[Cut to Bunny looking for something.]
Bunny: Hmm, that yoga class has [cut to show her sitting on top of a mausoleum] got to be around here somewhere. [sees it] Aha! [far shot of statues on a hill, Bunny slides off] Here I go!
[She crashes onto the ground. Clams fly away and caw. Cut to Bunny approaching the statues.]
Bunny: Hi! Sorry I'm late. I had a doozy of a time finding you guys. [gasps, looks at a cherub statue] Such perfect form. Why, it's like you're made of stone. [laughs, shot of statue] Oh, how embarrassing. I didn't realize you're doing silent yoga. [covers mouth] Oh. [whispers] I mean, you're doing silent yoga. [walks onto podium] Well, uh, I'll just follow your lead. [grunts and poses like the statue]
[Cut back to the Eternal Rest Mortuary. Slappy's watch ticks and a vampire comes out, screeching.]
Slappy: Uh-oh. I better check on my saggy, baggy, corpse-y customer.
[He pulls a tarp off something, revealing GrandPat being filled with embalming fluid. GrandPat spits it out and it splashes on the screen. He has been completely embalmed, and his body shines.]
GrandPat: Wow, that energy drink made me feel 75 again! I'm so full, I'm stiff! [hits leg veins] Even my varicose veins look plump and youthful. I feel like a new star! [Slappy grabs him] Whoa!
[Slappy shackles GrandPat's arms and legs to the table.]
Slappy: I hate it when the dead can't sit still. [wheels him away] Let's get you into your burial suit.
GrandPat: A new suit for the new me! I love this place!
[A bone transitions to a man crying at a grave. He puts a flower on it and runs away, sobbing. Cecil picks up the grave and puts it on a stack.]
Cecil: I can't believe this park [throws the graves out to form a playground] doesn't have a playground for the children!
[Squidina runs on Cecil's back.]
Squidina: Excuse me, Dad! I need to hide! [runs off his head]
Cecil: [laughs] Build it [looks at his back, which is on fire and has tire tracks] and they will come.
[Squidina goes off a slide made of graves, bounces onto one on a spring, and flings herself into a merry-go-round.]
Squidina: Whoa!
[She lands on the ground next to an open grave with a coffin in it. She ducks into it.]
Squidina: [giggles] Patrick will never find me here.
[She sees a priest and three mourners next to her.]
Priest: We are gathered here to celebrate--
[Patrick picks him up.]
Patrick: Me! [throws him away] Finding Squidina!
[He jumps into the grave.]
Patrick and Squidina: [laughing]
Mourners: [gasp]
Patrick: [bashes Squidina with the coffin] Tag, you're it! Tag, you're it!
Cecil: [runs in, whistle sounds] Hold it! [puts coffin back in the grave] You two shouldn't be fighting... without wearing these cool [holds up two graves that read "Loving Wife" and "Loving Husband" on them] mallet mittens I made you!
Patrick: Oh, boy! [gets hit with a mitten, and his face is injured]
Cecil: Tag, you're it, son!
[Cecil chases Patrick around and bashes him with the mittens.]
Patrick, Squidina, and Cecil: [laughing]
Squid mourner: I can't look!
GrandPat: [in a suit, with makeup and his skin pulled back] Ah, I can't stop looking!
Mourners: [run away, scream] It's a zombie!
GrandPat: Where? Turn me so I can see him.
[The blue mourner runs away and smashes into a statue. The statues fall into each other and smash. Bunny, still doing yoga, looks at the one next to her after it collapses.]
Bunny: Ooh! I don't think I know that pose. [splits herself apart]
[The buff mourner runs alongside a bush and screams. The corpse that Tinkle fetched is shown above a bush. He screams. Tinkle jumps in with the corpse on him.]
Tinkle: [barking]
[The corpse's eye falls out.]
Tinkle: [roars]
[The buff mourner's skeleton pops out of his body, and he screams. His skin screams and tries to run away. Tinkle bites the skin and shakes it. Pan down to show an old lady zombie in her bed.]
Old lady zombie: [bangs broom against ceiling] Can you keep it down? [shakes fist] I was promised eternal slumber!
[Pan to Old Man Walker, with his brain exposed, also in bed.]]
Old Man Walker: Oh, I'm gonna [takes off piece of his brain] give them a piece of my mind!
[Various zombies are shown complaining. They rise out of their graves.]
Patrick: [gets hit by Squidina] Tag, I'm it! [gets hit by Cecil] Tag, I'm it! [laughs, gets dizzy]
[A zombie approaches Patrick.]
Zombie: [groaning]
Patrick: Huh?
[Bunny pushes the zombie away with her butt.]
Bunny: You wouldn't believe the time I had! [lays out yoga mat and stands on it] And I learned a great new yoga pose. [poses]
[A monster rises from under her mat.]
Monster: [groans]
Cecil: [nervously, finger shaking] Um, honey?
Bunny: They call this one the silly goose.
[Bunny stands on her toes to avoid the monster chomping her. She notices it, looks down, screams, and turns into a goose, then flies away honking.]
Squidina: Wait a minute! This isn't a park. [scared] It's a cemetery full of zombies!
[Patrick, Bunny, and Cecil scream and run past her, flattening her. Patrick grabs Squidina. They all run past GrandPat, still in his suit and strapped to the table.]
Patrick: Run for your lives! Zombie!
GrandPat: [as zombies pass him] Hey, it's my old gang! Long time no see!
[A zombie starts pushing GrandPat's table.]
GrandPat: Lloyd, my old driver. How about once around the park for old times' sake?
[The rest of the family continues screaming and runs over a hill.]
Patrick: Nobody told me we were playing hide and hide again!
[Zombies come over the hill. An elevator marker on a gravestone goes from 6ft to 0. The coffin rises and some old zombies walk out as elevator music plays. Squidina, Patrick, Bunny, and Cecil run past, screaming. They push up against a mausoleum. Zombies swarm around them. As one is about to bite Cecil, a triangle clangs. Cecil checks his watch.]
Cecli: Oh, would you look at that!
[Cecil's watch has him in a cowboy hat, clanging a triangle. It opens to show a bowl of alphabet soup with "Soup's Done" written in it.]
Cecil: Soup's done! [pokes zombie] Look at you. [zoom out to show the zombies] You're all just skin and bones. Soup's on at our place! [cheering]
[GrandPat's "restored" form transitions to the Stars driving back home from the cemetery, with zombies hanging onto their car. GrandPat flies out of the trunk and yells. A boot transitions to the Star house. Cecil is on an inner tube in the soupestroni, stirring it with his ladle.]
Cecil: [scatting] Pinch of salt. [sips it] And it's done. [puts boot in ladle, then dumps it on a zombie's bowl] Here you go.
[The bowl hits the zombie, knocks his eye into the mouth of the zombie in the back, and the boot bounces onto the head of the zombie in the middle. Pan to Squidina, Patrick, and Bunny eating the soupestroni, with a half-rotted zombie in the other chair.]
Squidina: [slurps] Mmm, tasty.
Patrick: [puts bowl down] Yeah, this soup is de-- [takes out sock] --licious!
Zombie: [raises bowl, groans]
Bunny: [holds up barrel] More formaldehyde?
Zombie: [nods] Uh-huh. [Bunny pours it in and the zombie drinks it, which spills through his body]
[A gravestone transitions back to the cemetery. Lightning strikes. The three mourners are still crying at coffin. GrandPat, dressed as Goldilocks, opens it.]
GrandPat: And this coffin is just right!
Mourners: [screaming, run away]
[A sea bear comes in and pounds his fists together.]
GrandPat: Papa bear? [screams as the bear mauls him]
[The coffin closes with GrandPat and the bear inside, then lowers into the hole. Iris out on the grave.]