This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Fools in April" from season 1, which aired on April 1, 2000.

• [The episode begins with Gary snoring and meowing.]
• SpongeBob: Wake up, Gary!
• Gary: [wakes up] Meow?
• SpongeBob: We're moving today!
• Gary: [quizzically] Meow?
• SpongeBob: That's right! We're leaving home. We're going to become [puts on a hat and fake beard] peasants!
• Gary: Meow?
• SpongeBob: [takes Gary's bowl away] No more food. [gives Gary a plate with clams on it] Sorry, Gary. Peasants only eat mashed-up clam shells.
• [SpongeBob seasons the shells with salt as Gary starts crying. SpongeBob then takes off his special peasant outfit.]
• SpongeBob: April Fools! [puts Gary's food bowl back onto the floor] There you go, pal.
• Gary: Meow.
• SpongeBob: [goes into the kitchen] Whew, I'm thirsty!
• [SpongeBob opens the fridge and takes a giant pitcher of lemonade out of it]
• SpongeBob: [speaks in deep male voice] This is an extreme thirst! [sets the lemonade down on the floor, causing the floor to shake a little.]
• [Bubble transition to SpongeBob putting all the lemonade into a lot of small glasses with umbrellas.]
• SpongeBob: [normal voice] Whew, I'm exhausted. I sure can't wait to drink all these drinks! April Fools! [holds up a mirror] To me.
• [SpongeBob laughs obnoxiously, leaves his home and goes to work. Squidward sees him walking next to his house.]
• Squidward: What's he so happy about? [walks by the calendar and panics when notices it's...] "April 1st"!? [yells] April Fool's Day is SpongeBob's favorite holiday! [comes to the phone with a heating pad on his head and dials the number for the Krusty Krab] Mr. Krabs, I can't come in today. I caught something terrible.
• Mr. Krabs: [over phone] What'd you catch?
• Squidward: [holds up his calendar] I caught sight of the calendar.
• Mr. Krabs: Oh, hold on, Squidward, there's someone here to see you.
• [The water from Squidward's heating pad starts to leak]
• Mr. Krabs: He says he's from the Barnacle Bay Art Museum and he wants to honor you as artist of the month!
• [SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs giggle together. Squidward comes to the Krusty Krab office with an artist uniform on.]
• Squidward: I have arrived. [walks towards SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs, who are still laughing. The paint brush falls off from Squidward's mouth] What? What's so funny? Where's the art dealer?
• [SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs try to hold back their laughter.]
• Mr. Krabs: You just missed him!
• SpongeBob: Yeah, but he told us to tell you...
• [SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs are still trying not to laugh]
• Squidward: [grabs SpongeBob, says desperately] Tell me what?
• SpongeBob: [whispers into Squidward's ear] He told me to tell you... April Fools.
• Squidward: [lays his hat on the table] Well, it's been nice working here. [walks off] Thanks for everything, Mr. Krabs.
• SpongeBob: Squidward, wait!
• Squidward: Just send my last check to the P.O. box, Mr. Krabs!
• SpongeBob: Squidward! [runs towards Squidward and grabs his legs] It was just a joke! No more jokes on you today, I promise.
• Squidward: You do?
• SpongeBob: Sure.
• [Squidward gives SpongeBob a side eye]
• SpongeBob: There's lots of other willing participants. Right, Mr. Krabs?
• [Mr. Krabs, ready to read his magazine sits on a whoopee cushion and it "farts." SpongeBob laughs.]
• Squidward: [takes off his beret and puts on his Krusty Krab employee hat] Well, as long as it's not me. [leaves Mr. Krabs' office]
• [Bubble transition to SpongeBob carrying a tray of burger patties when Incidental 93 comes by, looking for a fork.]
• Incidental 93: Excuse me, could you tell me where the forks are?
• SpongeBob: They're right [leads her to the utensils] here, lady!
• Incidental 93: [picks up a spoon] Uh.. but this is a spoon.
• SpongeBob: April Fools!
• Incidental 93: Oh, aw. [walks off]
• [SpongeBob laughs as Squidward stares at him. SpongeBob runs away as Squidward sighs. Cut to SpongeBob behind the cash register. Incidental 41 comes up to him. SpongeBob takes the microphone and speaks to it in a slightly unique way.]
• SpongeBob: Welcome to the Krusty Krab! How may I help you?
• Incidental 41: [raises up his left arm] Yeah, give me two large fries and a Jumbo Krabby Patty.
• SpongeBob: [points at something] Hey, what's that?
• [Incidental 41 turns around; SpongeBob turns around and has a smiley face drawn on his back.]
• Incidental 41: Well, I didn't see anything. [notices that SpongeBob is gone] Hey, where'd that other guy go?
• SpongeBob: [turns around] April Fools! I'm right here!
• Incidental 41: [laughs] Hey! That was pretty good.
• [SpongeBob laughs obnoxiously; Squidward notices SpongeBob behind the register.]
• Squidward: [angrily] What are you doing behind the counter?!
• [Bubble transition to SpongeBob wiping the floor with a white cloth; Tom Smith comes by with a cup of soda.]
• Tom: Excuse me. [the next shot is from SpongeBob's perspective] Can I get a couple of ice cubes in here, please?
• SpongeBob: Sure! A couple of ice cubes coming up! [fills the cup with ice and comes back whistling] Here you go.
• Tom: Thanks.
• [Tom takes a sip of his drink; SpongeBob titters and Tom looks at him, but SpongeBob stops before he turns around]
• Tom: Huh?
• [SpongeBob is silent, so Tom takes another sip of his drink; SpongeBob starts giggling again and then Tom turns around and looks at him, but SpongeBob stops before he turns around]
• Tom: Huh?
• [SpongeBob is silent, so Tom finishes his drink]
• Tom: Ah...
• SpongeBob: [laughs loudly and obnoxiously with his legs stretched out, points at Tom] April Fools!
• [Tom gets triggered and grabs SpongeBob by his face, suddenly panicked]
• Tom: What did you do to my drink?!
• SpongeBob: I... [giggles] I... [giggles, tries to say "do"]
• Tom: You what?!
• SpongeBob: You asked for a couple of ice cubes in your drink and I only put in one!
• [A bass string is played in the background, SpongeBob laughs]
• Tom: I guess that is pretty funny. [laughs as he walks off] Yeah.
• [SpongeBob keeps on laughing. Squidward, who is meanwhile washing the dishes in the kitchen hears the laughter, gets annoyed because of it, mumbles in anger and rubs the bottom of the frying pan with a white cloth harder than before.]
• [SpongeBob laughs so hard that his tongue pops off, and keeps laughing with the tongue. Squidward covers his ears in frustration since he can still hear SpongeBob's laughter. The scene cuts back to the dining hall.]
• SpongeBob: Hey, your shoe's untied. [tongue looks down] April Fools! You're not wearing shoes!
• [SpongeBob laughs and hugs his tongue, which smiles. Squidward puts two white paper tissues in his ears, so he won't be able to hear the sound. SpongeBob and the tongue laugh into the microphone installed in the counter; everyone hears it; Squidward can still hear the sound from the dining hall]
• SpongeBob: April Fools!
• [Squidward drops a plate]
• Squidward: Ugh, that's it! SpongeBob and his stupid pranks! I'm going to show him what a real prank is all about!
• [Bubble transition to Squidward squirting some mustard inside a rope circle. He chuckles and shows the mess to SpongeBob, who is in the middle of wiping a glass.]
• SpongeBob: Oh, boy! Something for me to clean up.
• [Squidward tries not to laugh. SpongeBob starts cleaning the stain and Squidward is standing next to a rope with a huge anchor hanging on it which he is about to cut. SpongeBob finishes wiping the floor, leaving it sparkly clean.]
• Squidward: April Fools!
• [Squidward laughs as he cuts the rope which grabs SpongeBob's both legs. The aforementioned anchor falls down after that.]
• SpongeBob: Whoa!
• [The rope sends SpongeBob into over four huge bags of flour. Squidward is laughing through all of this and rolls on the floor. Then SpongeBob is taken around a bar]
• SpongeBob: Whoa!
• [SpongeBob screams as he is sent slamming face-first into the wall]
• Customers: Oh, no!
• [Squidward's eyes pop out as he laughs hysterically, while the customers start to look very concerned. SpongeBob screams in pure fright and flies into Bubble Bass' rear.]
• SpongeBob: Whoa...!
• [Cut to Squidward cheerleading, laughing, and jumping into the air. Then SpongeBob smashes into the ceiling. The customers are getting shocked and horrified]
• Squidward: [runs and holds out his arms to catch SpongeBob] I'll catch you, SpongeBob.
• [Squidward giggles to himself. SpongeBob screams as he plummets toward Squidward, who quickly sets out a garbage can in front of him, and SpongeBob falls into the goop in the can. Squidward ducks.]
• Squidward: Oops!
• [Squidward dumps SpongeBob, who is now the shape of the can, out of the garbage can, looking all dirty and upset]
• Squidward: April Fools, you little sausage!
• [Squidward laughs at SpongeBob's pain and misery; SpongeBob squeals sadly and runs out of the Krusty Krab sobbing]
• Squidward: SpongeBob? I was just kidding! Come on, come on! You guys know I was just kidding? Right?
• [The customers look concerned, saddened and sympathetic after what happened to SpongeBob.]
• Morty: Aww, man.. poor kid.
• Judy: That guy has definitely got some issues to work out.
• [The customers angrily glare at Squidward as they begin to leave the Krusty Krab in disgust]
• Incidental 71: April Fools... jerk.
• [All of the customers storm out the door in disgust and disappointment as Squidward starts to look upset by their reaction]
• Squidward: Wait, don't go!
• Man: Hey, you stink!
• Squidward: Wait, wait, wait, it was a joke! Uh-huh...
• [Squidward looks around at the mess he has made for the last few minutes and winces, then he looks at Bubble Bass, who has a hole in his bottom due to the "prank" and Squidward starts to feel ashamed of himself]
• Squidward: Oh. Huh-oh. Why is it whenever I'm having fun, it's wrong? I didn't mean to make him cry... I guess this means I'd better tell SpongeBob I'm sor— [struggles to finish saying the word "sorry", makes silly face and sticks his tongue out] Huh? I guess this means I'd better apolo- [his throat goes haywire] —gi-ah! This is gonna be tougher than I thought.
• [Bubble transition to Squidward going to SpongeBob's home. He clears his throat]
• Squidward: SpongeBob? [knocks on the door twice] Uh, SpongeBob, come on out! I've got something to tell you! [quick silence] SpongeBob?
• [Squidward notices a Krusty Krab employee hat peeking out from the stones. He smiles and goes over to talk to the person who is wearing it.]
• Squidward: SpongeBob, uh, I was thinking about today and-and, well, it just seems that I might owe you some sort of... This isn't something I normally do, so, listen carefully SpongeBob, because I am about to tell you that I'm... What?
• [Squidward notices that the guy with the hat on is none other than Patrick.]
• Squidward: Patrick?! What are you doing here?!
• Patrick: Digging.
• Squidward: Why are you wearing that hat?
• Patrick: Oh, I don't know. [takes off the hat]
• Squidward: [growls] Where's SpongeBob?
• Patrick: He's in the house. He's impressed.
• Squidward: With what?
• Patrick: I don't know, but it must've been pretty good to make him cry like that.
• Squidward: [shivers then goes back to SpongeBob's house] SpongeBob, SpongeBob, let me in there!
• [Squidward tries to turn the handle, but SpongeBob's arm comes from under the door and pulls it inside; Squidward grabs his clarinet]
• Squidward: SpongeBob, you'd better let me in there! I don't want to have to use this!
• [Squidward plays clarinet horribly. SpongeBob opens the door]
• SpongeBob: What do you want?
• Squidward: SpongeBob, I just want to say that I'm sorr-yyyy. [sticks out tongue while talking]
• SpongeBob: What?
• Squidward: I'm trying to say I'm [turns into a donkey and starts braying] haw-hee-haw!
• SpongeBob: [opens the door wider] What?!
• Squidward: I'm just trying to say I'm- [voice muffled after his head explodes] There's got to be an easier way to do this.
• [Bubble transition to Squidward writing a note. He puts it in a bottle and rolls it to SpongeBob where he picks it up.]
• Squidward: Well, aren't you going to open it?
• SpongeBob: I can't. I don't have a bottle opener.
• Squidward: Doh!
• [Squidward hands SpongeBob a can and Squidward drives to the other side of the road]
• Squidward: SpongeBob, I'm...
• [Squidward whispers into the can, then puts the can up to his ear but hears some sort of noise; Patrick is flossing his teeth with the cord; Squidward growls and throws the binoculars down on the ground. He rides back to SpongeBob's house, then goes back to SpongeBob.]
• Squidward: SpongeBob, all I am trying to say is that I am...
• [Squidward waves tentacles in the air and bubbles form, then puts a big bubble on his head and then talks]
• Squidward: [muffled] ...sorry. [pops the bubble] There you go.
• SpongeBob: But I couldn't-
• [Squidward slams the door at SpongeBob's face. Squidward walks off.]
• Squidward: I don't care! I said it! My conscience is clear!
• [As Squidward is walking, an image of Patrick appears in the air]
• Patrick: Must've been pretty good to make him cry like that.
• [Squidward nervously continues walking and runs into a hallucination of Tom (repeating Walt's line from earlier).]
• Tom: April Fools... jerk.
• [Squidward frantically starts running again, but this time his mother appears in his hallucination]
• Mama Tenacles: [male voice] You stink!
• Squidward: Mother?! [runs back to SpongeBob's house to apologize] All right, all right! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I admit it, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you, in fact, SpongeBob, I like you! I like living next door, I like hearing your foghorn alarm in the morning and your high-pitched giggling at night! I also like Gary, Patrick, Sandy, Mr. Krabs, and all the other people I'm forced to be in contact with! And, and, and, and...
• [SpongeBob opens the door slightly]
• SpongeBob: Squidward, is all that true?
• Squidward: Yes, yes, SpongeBob! Yes, it's all true!
• SpongeBob: Even the part about the lima beans and the car chase?
• Squidward: What the...? Yes, yes, whatever! But you have to promise not to tell anybody!
• SpongeBob: I promise.
• Squidward: Really?
• [SpongeBob opens the door all the way, revealing the citizens of Bikini Bottom inside]
• Everyone in the house: April Fools!
• Squidward: [eye twitches] April Fools! You're right, April Fools! I just fooled you all! [laughs hysterically while going back into his house]
• SpongeBob: What would we do without Squidward?