Walking Small/transcript — spongebob

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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Walking Small" from season 1, which aired on March 22, 2000.

[The episode opens at Goo Lagoon. A small bulldozer approaches the Goo Lagoon sign and removes it out of the ground, tossing it off-screen in the process. Just then, Plankton comes out of the bulldozer with his hard hat on, laughing evilly, and puts down a couple of construction barriers]
Plankton: [takes out a megaphone and turns on] Attention, beachgoers! You are trespassing! You have exactly 17 minutes to haul your carcasses off the future site of the [puts up a sign with the words "Future Site of The Mega Bucket" on it] 'Chum Bucket Mega Bucket.'
[At the beach, only Plankton's fast and high-pitched voice is audible, which catches some of the beachgoer's attention.]
Tina: Do you hear something?
[Nat doesn't hear anything, and he shakes his head "no." Frank the lifeguard thinks the sound is coming from his megaphone, so he looks inside it, and in front of it, then turns it upside-down and shakes it.]
Plankton: [angrily] Okay, have it your way. I don't mind bulldozing over each and every one--
Billy: [grabs Plankton's bulldozer] Mommy, look! Somebody left this toy tractor here.
Evelyn: Put that down, Billy, that has germs on it.
[Plankton frowns as his antennae droops as Billy drops the bulldozer near Plankton, which almost lands on him in the process.]
Billy: [walks away with his mom] Aw, mom...
Plankton: [talks through megaphone] You'll see. [throws the megaphone off-screen] You'll all see! The future site of the Chum Bucket Mega Bucket must be clear to these cretinous beachgoers. But it's becoming increasingly obvious. I can deny it no longer! [zoom out] I am small. [zoom back in] I need someone big to clear the beach for me. I need...
[Before Plankton finish's his sentence, SpongeBob's foot comes into frame and almost steps on Plankton, who jumps in the sand headfirst and out of the way, and pops out with some sand on his head.]
Plankton: [notices it's SpongeBob] SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Steppin' on the beach! Tu-tu-tu-tu! Steppin' on the beach! Treet-tit-tu! Steppin' on the beach! Tu-tu-tu-tu! Steppin' on the beach! Treet-tit-tu!
Plankton: Yes. He's the one. [laughs evilly. The sand on his head falls off]
SpongeBob: I'll have one-
[Timmy cuts in front of SpongeBob]
Timmy: Two, please.
[Lou gives Timmy two ice creams]
Timmy: Thanks. [walks off]
SpongeBob: One, please.
[An eel, Carlos Eel, slithers through SpongeBob's body and grabs the ice cream]
Carlos Eel: Excuse me. [walks off licking the ice cream]
SpongeBob: One, please.
Lou: Sorry, kid. We're all out.
SpongeBob: Aww, barnacles.
[SpongeBob hears crying coming from Plankton, who's sitting on a bench with two strawberry ice creams]
SpongeBob: Plankton, what are you doing here? And why are you crying?
Plankton: Oh, hi, SpongeBob. [blows his nose] I'm cryin' because I've got these two ice cream cones, but I only need one! [cries] I don't know what to do with the other one!
[SpongeBob is confused; Plankton cries then stops for a second and looks at SpongeBob and cries again.]
SpongeBob: I'll eat one of those ice cream cones for ya.
Plankton: SpongeBob! Would you do that for me?
SpongeBob: Sure! [starts to lick the strawberry ice cream]
Plankton: SpongeBob?
[SpongeBob is still licking the strawberry ice cream.]
Plankton: SpongeBob?
[SpongeBob eats the whole ice cream scoop and is now licking what's left inside. Plankton uses his megaphone to get SpongeBob's attention]
Plankton: [shouts through a megaphone] SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: [turns towards Plankton] Yeah? [spits out ice cream on Plankton as he talks]
Plankton: [chucks away his megaphone] Isn't it great to get the things you desire? Like that ice cream cone, for instance.
[SpongeBob licks his fingers]
Plankton: You can have anything you want with a little training.
[SpongeBob licks his fingers again]
SpongeBob: Training?
Plankton: Yes. You just have to learn to be more assertive! And I can show you how.
[SpongeBob is licking what remains of his ice cream, and sucks his finger in and out, twice.]
SpongeBob: Assertive, huh?
Plankton: That's right.
SpongeBob: Anything I want. [licks his lips] Sounds great! [looking very closely at Plankton in excitement, with some ice cream spitting out]
Plankton: Wonderful. [rubs his hands in evilness]
[Plankton laughs evilly, then SpongeBob joins in the laughing. SpongeBob shuffles along to his right. Then, Charlie walks by and sits on SpongeBob. A crunch sound plays after Charlie sits on him.]
Plankton: SpongeBob, don't let that guy sit on you! Assertiveness lesson #1: tell him to get off!
SpongeBob: Umm, excuse me, sir, you're sitting on my body, which is also my face.
Plankton: No, no, be assertive!
SpongeBob: [puts his finger in Charlie's pocket] Beep Beep!
[Plankton facepalms]
Plankton: Not insertive!
[Charlie checks his watch by the time, then walks away]
Plankton: SpongeBob, you missed your chance! You've got to be aggressive to get the things you want! You're too soft!
SpongeBob: But I'm a spo-
Plankton: Don't say it!
[Plankton spots the eel that took SpongeBob's strawberry ice cream cone earlier. The eel is running with his cone.]
Plankton: [pointing to the eel] There's the guy who took your ice cream. Don't you want it back?
SpongeBob: Ice cream!
[Plankton gets up and runs behind the eel]
Plankton: Listen, you! My friend's got something to say!
[The eel turns around]
Carlos Eel: What, who said that? [talks to SpongeBob] Was it you?
Plankton: Tell him off, SpongeBob. Assert yourself!
SpongeBob: That's my ice cream cone!
Plankton: Great! Now let him have it!
SpongeBob: [misunderstanding what Plankton means] You can have it.
Carlos eel: Say, thanks! [walks off]
Plankton: No! [runs towards SpongeBob's mouth] I'll show ya how!
[Plankton jumps inside SpongeBob's mouth. SpongeBob stands still.]
Plankton: [voicing for SpongeBob] Hey, pencil-neck!
[The eel turns around]
Plankton: Yeah, you. Slither over here!
[The eel walks over to SpongeBob]
Plankton: Surrender that ice cream cone, or every waking moment for you will become a swirling torrent of pain and misery!
[The eel winces; he throws the strawberry ice cream at SpongeBob's nose and cries as he runs away. Plankton is shown on SpongeBob's tongue.]
SpongeBob: Hey, that guy was crying.
Plankton: Those were tears of joy! He was happy that you were assertive!
SpongeBob: Yeah!
Plankton: You see how wonderful life can be... [threateningly while pounding on SpongeBob's tongue] ...when you're maniacal?!
SpongeBob: Uh, I thought it was called assertive.
Plankton: Whatever.
SpongeBob: Well, if it got me this ice cream, then I like it!
[as SpongeBob throws the strawberry ice cream on his tongue, is lands on Plankton who is still on it. Later, SpongeBob is using a metal detector, and it beeps]
SpongeBob: I found something!
[Scooter approaches SpongeBob]
Scooter: Uhh, excuse me, my metal detector broke. Can I use yours?
[SpongeBob hands the equipment to him]
SpongeBob: Sure!
Plankton: SpongeBob, this is your next lesson. Be aggressive! Tell that guy to take a hike!
SpongeBob: [misunderstands] Do you want to take a hike with me?
Scooter: Yeah.
Plankton: [angry] Now, look what you've done! Tell that guy to go fall in a ditch!
SpongeBob: [sees a ditch] Hey, go check in that ditch! [points to the ditch beside them]
[Scooter jumps down in the ditch and finds a treasure chest]
Scooter: Wow, buried treasure! Thanks!
SpongeBob: Did you see that, Plankton? That guy found some buried treasure!
Plankton: [frustrated] SpongeBob, you'll never get it right! Tell that guy you know karate and you'll tie him in a knot if you don't get your metal detector back!
SpongeBob: Hey! I'm gonna tie your...shoe if you don't give that back!
Scooter: But I'm wearing sandals!
[Plankton jumps off of SpongeBob. He looks indifferent.]
SpongeBob: Okay, never mind! It's alright, Plankton, he's wearing sandals. What's the matter?
Plankton: [starts putting things into a suitcase, including a doll that says "Mama!"] Oh, nothing, SpongeBob. [puts on a black hat with a purple band] I was just beginning to think that this was a waste of time.
SpongeBob: No it's not!
Plankton: Forget it! I guess you don't have what it takes to be a stand-up guy.
SpongeBob: But what about airline food?
Plankton: What?
SpongeBob: Airline food. My gosh, what is up with that stuff? Thank you, good night! [rimshot] See, I can be a stand-up guy. See?
[Plankton throws his hat down]
Plankton: [frustrated] SpongeBob, you'll never get what you want! You'll always let people step all over you! [stomps and rubs the foot around the ground] You're just like stairs!
SpongeBob: Wait, Plankton, give me another chance!
Plankton: Okay, but this is your last chance! [points to people trying to get a tan] Look at all those beach hogs soaking up your sun rays. Do you have what it takes to get a tan?
SpongeBob: Just watch me!
[SpongeBob runs over toward the Bikini Bottomites and waves a blanket up and down and builds up sand to make the beachgoers run away] Man, this thing is sandy!
Fred: My leg!
[After everyone runs off, SpongeBob is laying on his back with a funnel acting as a sunlamp]
Plankton: Yes, my plan is beginning to work! They're leaving the beach!
[SpongeBob now has a tan and looks brown]
Plankton: SpongeBob, that was wonderful! Is that an all-over tan?
SpongeBob: Well, not all of me.
Octopus Vendor: Hot dogs!
[SpongeBob and Plankton spot the Goo Lagoon hot dog stand]
Octopus Vendor: Hot dogs! [handing out hot dogs to customers]
Plankton: [pointing to the stand] Look at that huge line at the hot dog stand. Assert yourself to the front!
SpongeBob: I'll do better than that!
[SpongeBob stretches his tongue to eat everybody's hotdogs at the snack bar. He eats all of the hotdogs.]
Customer: Let's go home...
Plankton: SpongeBob, that was genius! [points to the kite fliers] Look at all those kite fliers blocking your view!
SpongeBob: What?
Plankton: Breaking your wind!
[SpongeBob uses one of his teeth to boomerang it into cutting the strings off the kites. SpongeBob laughs maniacally, until a volley ball bumps into his heel. He picks it up.]
Larry: Hey, SpongeBob, throw us the ball.
[SpongeBob pushes the volleyball, popping it, and trumpets like an elephant.]
Orange female fish: What do we do now?
Larry: Let's just go home, I guess?
[The entire volleyball group walks off]
SpongeBob: Plankton, did you see that? [puffs] I was a regular alpha-male! [puffs more, but notices Plankton is nowhere in sight] Plankton?
[From SpongeBob's point of view, the beach is empty, with just the lagoon and an empty volleyball court. Plankton driving a crane]
SpongeBob: Huh?
[Plankton continues driving his crane. The crane has a fist. He pulls a lever to park his crane.]
SpongeBob: Plankton, all my asserting is driving everybody away!
Plankton: Exactly.
SpongeBob: You didn't tell me everyone would leave.
Plankton: [smiling] Oops!
[Plankton presses a button in his crane, and the "Future Site of The Mega Bucket" sign comes out from the ground.]
SpongeBob: [gasps] Mega Bucket?! You used me... for land development! [voice cracks] That wasn't nice!
Plankton: Haven't you figured it out, SpongeBob? Nice guys finish last. Only aggressive people conquer the world! [laughs evilly]
SpongeBob: Well... [gets an idea] What about aggressively nice people?
[SpongeBob holds his breath immensely]
Plankton: Huh? What are you doing?
[SpongeBob brings out the hot dogs in the hot dog stand, he ate earlier and puts them back where they belong.]
Customers: Hot dogs, yay!
[SpongeBob runs and he puts the kites back where they were. The kite fliers run back and cheer as they use their kites again.]
Plankton: Wait, SpongeBob! Stop!
[A girl is crying because she has sand on her ice cream. SpongeBob takes it and wipes the sand off with his eyelashes. He puts the scoop back and the girl is happy.]
Plankton: Butterfly kisses. Can't take it. It's too cute! It's... it's disgusting!
[Scooter is crying at his broken surfboard]
SpongeBob: What happened?
Scooter: [points to surfboard] I hit a reef with my new board, dude!
SpongeBob: No problem! [shapeshifts into a surfboard]
Scooter: Whoa! [grabs the surfboard] Killer!
Plankton: SpongeBob, stop! Before it's too late! Your kindness is bringing everybody back!
[Everyone is running back to the beach]
Plankton: Get back! Wait!
[Everyone, on their way back to the beach breaks through the construction barriers, trample and squish Plankton underfoot]
Plankton: Ouch! Ow! Ah! No! Ooh! Ow!
[Scooter is surfing with SpongeBob. Scooter rides a big wave.]
Scooter: Cowabunga!
[Scooter and SpongeBob arrive back to shore, the latter changing back to his regular shape.]
Scooter: Thanks, dude! That was a-a-a-awesome!
[Just then, Plankton begins straining and weeping.]
SpongeBob: Gee, Plankton, I'm sorry about the Chum Bucket.
Plankton: Forget about that. I just can't take so much kindness in one sitting! [bunches up into a ball] Need hatred. [crawls away while bunched up]
SpongeBob: Volleyball, anyone? [everyone uses SpongeBob as the ball] Serve up! [laughs] Ouch! [laughs] Ouch! [laughs] Ouch!
[The episode ends]