This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Texas" from season 1, which aired on March 22, 2000.

• [The episode begins with a view of Bikini Atoll in the morning.]
• SpongeBob: [off-screen] Good morning, Bikini Bottom! [cut to his hand coming out from a sandcastle pineapple, with his face drawn] Ah, what a beautiful day. [his hand is crawling] Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-doo. I wonder if Patrick's at home.
• Patrick: [his hand comes over from a sandcastle rock with his face drawn] Hiya, SpongeBob! Whatcha doin'?
• SpongeBob: Goin' over to Sandy's place. [both hands walk off together and arrive at a sand-made treedome] Hey, what's this? This doesn't look like Sandy's place.
• Sandy: Don't lose your barnacles, boys. Hi-yah! [chops sandcastle peak down making a sand image of Texas] There it is.
• SpongeBob: What is it?
• Sandy: Can't you see? It's Texas.
• SpongeBob: Texas? What's a Texas? [a wave covers sand and ruins Sandy's Texas display]
• Sandy: Ohh, it's nothin' but a memory now.
• SpongeBob: All right then, uh, let's make one of your treedome.
• Sandy: You know, all of a sudden, I don't feel like sandcastles, SpongeBob. I'll see y'all later. [walks off]
• SpongeBob: Sandy? [as Sandy walks towards her treedome, not shown, he performs karate moves] Hi-yah!
• Sandy: Aww, SpongeBob, I'm just not feelin' up to karate right now.
• SpongeBob: Oh-ho. I get it. Not feeling up to karate, huh? Whatever you say, Sandy. [turns around] Boy, I hope Sandy doesn't attack me from behind. Hi-yah! [grabs Incidental 32 from behind and flips him over onto the ground. Incidental 32 growls like a dog and punches SpongeBob]
• SpongeBob: Uhh, Sandy? [surfs in the air] Surf's up, Sandy!
• Sandy: No, thanks. [enters Jellyfish Fields. Jellyfish are heard buzzing]
• SpongeBob: [Runs after a jellyfish with a net] Boy, there's nothing like going jellyfishing! [Patrick runs after one while laughing, then falls on his face. He gets up and runs again]
• SpongeBob: Look, Sandy, we caught one!
• Sandy: Listen, SpongeBob. Right now, I don't wanna build sand castles, play karate, or eat jellyfish.
• SpongeBob: [laughs] We don't eat 'em! We let 'em go!
• Patrick: Fly away, little critter!
• SpongeBob: Go on, go back to where you belong. [the jellyfish flies away as Sandy watches tearfully] Run along, back to your family and friends. I know they miss you as much as you miss them. Hurry, before they forget you and leave you behind. Remember: there's no place like home!
• [At this point, Sandy begins to cry, filling her helmet with tears. She takes out a flusher handle and attaches it to her helmet. She pulls it down and all her tears drain out. Sandy gasps for air and pants.]
• SpongeBob: Sandy, what the heck are you crying about?
• Sandy: I ain't cryin'! My helmet just sprung a leak!
• SpongeBob: [suspicious] Sandy...
• Sandy: [confessing] Oh, I guess I'm just feelin' a little homesick.
• SpongeBob: Homesick, huh? [SpongeBob thinks]
• [Later, Sandy is blindfolded as SpongeBob and Patrick take her somewhere.]
• SpongeBob: Almost there.
• Sandy: Dead-gum it, SpongeBob, what is it?
• SpongeBob: Da-ta-dah! [the three are standing outside the treedome]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Welcome home, Sandy!
• [Pause, Sandy cries and runs into the treedome.]
• SpongeBob: Sandy?
• Sandy: Go away! [pulls a lever which brings down a metal covering on the treedome]
• SpongeBob: I don't get it, Patrick! What's wrong with Sandy?
• Patrick: Maybe it's just a squirrel thing. [a hole opens up in the top of the dome and Sandy comes out wearing a cowgirl hat and holding a guitar. Sandy tunes it]
• Sandy: ♪Wish I was back in Texas. The ocean's no place for a squirrel.♪ [live action Texas scenery appears behind her] ♪Wish I was in Texas, prettiest place in the world oh no. I guess that deep in my heart, I'll always be a Texas girl. I wanna go hoooome, home.♪ [some clams howl along. SpongeBob and Patrick hear the music]
• SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, listen to that. [Patrick has the notes going around him]
• Patrick: Arrrgh! Get them off me! Get them off me!
• SpongeBob: Patrick, listen. You hear that? It's Sandy.
• Sandy: ♪I wanna wake up in Texas.♪ [live action scenery is shown] ♪I miss those wide open skies. I miss my twenty acres, barbecues, and pecan pies, oh, why? When I'm so far from you Texas, all I can do is cry...♪
• [A live-action squirrel sheds a tear. SpongeBob and Patrick start crying. At the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs hears the song and SpongeBob and Patrick crying, too, and Mr. Krabs starts crying also and accidentally gets hit by the cash register.]
• Fish #1, #2, #3: Please, make it stop!
• [Two customers are also crying; Incidental 42 dries his eyes with his Krabby Patty and gives it to the Incidental 23 who blows his nose on it.]
• Sandy: ♪I wanna go hoooommme.♪ [Junior Brown's voice] ♪I wanna go home.♪ [as she sings she goes back into the Treedome. SpongeBob and Patrick continue crying and then stop]
• Patrick: Do you think she knows the Muffin Man song?
• SpongeBob: Patrick, she sang that song from her heart. She really misses Texas.
• Patrick: Well, let's go get some Texas and bring it down here!
• SpongeBob: Patrick, you can't... That's it! Patrick, your genius is showing!
• Patrick: [mishears, frantically covers himself] Where?
• [Later, SpongeBob and Patrick have gotten everything ready at the Krusty Krab]
• SpongeBob: Everything looks perfect. We're going to get Sandy now.
• Mr. Krabs: [from inside] Well, hurry up, lads! We can't squat like this forever!
• [At Sandy's house, SpongeBob and Patrick are playing leapfrog while going to her treedome.]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Krusty Krab! Krusty Krab! Sandy's surprise is at the Krusty Krab!
• Patrick: Wait until she sees the--
• SpongeBob: Shh! Don't spoil the surprise! [SpongeBob knocks, Sandy opens her door]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Hey, Sandy!
• SpongeBob: You wanna come with us to the Krusty Krab?
• Sandy: [walks out with two suitcases] Hey, SpongeBob. Hey, Patrick.
• SpongeBob: What are you doing with those bags?
• Sandy: I'm goin' back home to Texas.
• SpongeBob: What?! Now?! You can't! I mean we...
• Sandy: It's time for this tumbleweed to tumble on home.
• SpongeBob: Wait, Sandy! You can't! Uh, we we're gonna... the... the... Krusty Krab... that is not the right direction! Wait, if you don't... if I can't... ugh! Sandy! Wait a second! You don't wanna leave without having one last Krabby Patty down at the Krusty Krab!
• Sandy: I'm tired of fish food, SpongeBob.
• SpongeBob: But, Sandy, don't you want to say goodbye to all your friends down at the Krusty Krab?
• Sandy: [gets on a bus] I just can't do that, SpongeBob. It'd be too sad.
• SpongeBob: No, no! Wait! Sandy! [the bus drives off] I can't believe she's gone.
• Patrick: Yeah. What's so great about dumb ol' Texas? [the bus suddenly speeds back; the doors open revealing Sandy with an angry look on her face]
• Sandy: [incensed] What did you say?!
• Patrick: [nervous] Texas is dumb...?
• Sandy: [the bus drives off again] Don't you dare take the name of Texas in vain!
• SpongeBob: You mean we can't say anything bad about "dumb ol' Texas"?
• Sandy: [sternly] No, you can't!
• Patrick: Oh, then... can we say people from Texas are dumb?
• Sandy: No! You can't say nothin' about Texas!
• SpongeBob: [gets an idea] Oh... so we shouldn't say anything bad about... [turns around; grabs his behind and shakes it and rolls eyes] Tex-as!
• Sandy: [blushes angrily] I'm warnin' you, SpongeBob!
• SpongeBob: Look, Patrick, I'm Texas! Duh, howdy, y'all! Howdy y'all!
• Patrick: I'm Texas, too. Git a dog, little longie! Git a dog!
• SpongeBob: Howdy, y'all!
• Patrick: Git a dog, little longie! Git a dog!
• Sandy: Y'all best cut it out!
• SpongeBob: [while Patrick does armpit farts] The stars at night are dull and dim, whenever they have to be over dumb ol' stupid Texas! [At this point, Sandy gets steaming mad. SpongeBob turns into the shape of Texas] Hey, Patrick, what am I now?
• Patrick: Uhh, stupid?
• SpongeBob: No, I'm Texas!
• Patrick: What's the difference?! [SpongeBob and Patrick laugh uproariously]
• Sandy: [drops suitcases, then faces the duo, her fists clenched] Y'all best apologize, or I'm gonna be on you like ugly on an ape!
• SpongeBob: You'll have to catch us first! [SpongeBob and Patrick run off] We did it! We got her!
• Patrick: Krusty Krab, here we come! [turns head around to Sandy] Can we say that plants from Texas are dumb? Can we say that shoes from Texas are dumb?
• SpongeBob: Okay, Patrick, that's enough.
• Patrick: Why? You think that old slowpoke Texas is gonna... [...catch up, which she is. And fast. Patrick's eyes bug out and he screams]
• SpongeBob: Run faster, Patrick!
• [Both of them run away and scream; they go around each side of a huge rock. Sandy crashes right through the rock, obliterating it, and walks while twirling a lasso. Her shoe engulfs the screen, Sandy lassoes Patrick and brings him into the background]
• Patrick: [screams] SpongeBob!
• [Nuclear explosion is heard and a mushroom cloud appears. SpongeBob screams. SpongeBob stops in front of a leaf and shakes as Sandy karate chops the leaf and SpongeBob in half]
• Sandy: Hi-yah! [SpongeBob jumps with his halves and he gets back together] Y'all gonna take back what ya said!
• SpongeBob: No! Almost there...!
• [SpongeBob runs toward the Krusty Krab. Sandy's lasso turns into the shape of SpongeBob; SpongeBob screams. As he jumps for the Krusty Krab, Sandy throws her lasso. SpongeBob grabs onto the door just as the lasso grabs his foot, Sandy pulls him towards her, stretching SpongeBob out as he tries to hold on, his fingers slowly losing grip on the door.]
• Sandy: SpongeBob! You've been messin' with the bull! Now here come the horns!
• SpongeBob: Sandy! No!
• [The front of the Krusty Krab tears off as Sandy has pulled tight enough, revealing a Happy Texas party inside with SpongeBob and Patrick's friends.]
• Everyone: Howdy, y'all!
• Sandy: Wha-- What's this?
• SpongeBob: It's a party!
• Patrick: [hops over to the Krusty Krab, hogtied and covered in bandages] For you!
• Sandy: For me?
• SpongeBob: It's your own little slice of Texas! Check it out, Sandy! We got square dancing... [Flats is holding a square] ...giant barbecues... [Squidward is holding a sharp, spiky Q]
• Squidward: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
• SpongeBob: ...homemade peas-in-a-can pie... [Pearl is holding a pie with a can of peas in it] ...and we got our very own 10 gallon hats! [SpongeBob and Patrick put ten gallon water jugs on their heads] So, what do ya think? Are you gonna stay?
• [After a pause, Sandy starts to laugh and tears of laughter spew out and fill her helmet. Everyone frowns and SpongeBob tosses his water jug helmet aside]
• SpongeBob: Don't cry anymore, Sandy, I'll go get your bags.
• Sandy: [takes out the flusher handle, attaches it to her helmet and flushes the water out again] I'm not cryin', I'm laughin'! I appreciate what y'all are tryin' to do, SpongeBob, but home isn't about barbecues or pecan pies, home is where you're surrounded by critters that care about ya. [Everyone gathers around Sandy]
• Sandy: Huh? Duh. What am I doin'? I was home all along, and it took me until now to realize it.
• SpongeBob: Does that mean you'll stay?
• Sandy: I'm stayin'! [Everyone cheers, except Squidward]
• SpongeBob: That makes me feel all wiggly!
• Patrick: Yeah, who needs dumb ol' Texas? [cheering stops; cut back to the Bikini Atoll]
• Sandy: [sternly] What did you just say?
• Patrick: [nervously] Should I start running now? [The episode fades to black]