This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Restraining SpongeBob" from season 8, which aired on April 2, 2012.

• [The episode opens with Squidward lying in bed, asleep. He wakes up to a loud noise.]
• Squidward: What the...? [we see SpongeBob outside grinding his spatula on a rotating wheel wearing headphones and Squidward opens the window] SpongeBob, do you mind!?
• [SpongeBob does not answer; Squidward breaks the window off its hinges and throws it at SpongeBob. The window hits the rotating wheel instead and it bounces off and hits Squidward in the face. From the impact, he loses his balance and falls out the window, he then bounces on his head and then bounces off of SpongeBob's pineapple, his tentacles land over SpongeBob's eyes, causing SpongeBob to finally notice Squidward.]
• SpongeBob: Oh! Hey, Squidward. What are you doing?
• Squidward: [gets back up] What am I doing!? What are you doing!?
• SpongeBob: I am sharpening my trusty spatula. Speaking of which, are you going to stick around for morning fry-cook calisthenics?
• Squidward: Cala-what?
• [SpongeBob then proceeds in a series of rather ridiculous stretches. Squidward walks back into his house to lock the door, then starts walking to work at the Krusty Krab.]
• SpongeBob: Walking to work, huh, Squidward?
• Squidward: Go away.
• SpongeBob: Can I walk with you?
• Squidward: No.
• [SpongeBob follows Squidward to work.]
• SpongeBob: Please?
• Squidward: No.
• SpongeBob: Please?
• Squidward: No.
• SpongeBob: Please?
• Squidward: No.
• SpongeBob: Please?
• Squidward: No.
• SpongeBob: Please?
• Squidward: No.
• SpongeBob: Please?
• Squidward: No.
• SpongeBob: Please?
• Squidward: No.
• SpongeBob: Please?
• Squidward: [finally gets fed up with SpongeBob's repetitious begging as they enter the Krusty Krab] I said "no"! I will not walk to work with yo-- [notices he is in the Krusty Krab]
• SpongeBob: Okay. Maybe tomorrow, then!
• [Squidward gets even angrier. Bubble transition to him at the register boat with a customer.]
• Customer: I'll have two Krabby Patties.
• Squidward: Okay. And would you like cheese on...? [stops at a noise that sounds like someone extruding gas]
• Customer: Do you...need a break or something?
• Squidward: [nervously] What? Oh, no! Wha--? No-ho, that was not me, I swear.
• [The farting sound repeats. The customer walks away with Squidward stuttering and begging nervously.]
• Squidward: No wait, really, I--
• [Squidward walks into the kitchen where SpongeBob is unsuccessfully attempting to squeeze mustard onto a Krabby Patty.]
• Squidward: SpongeBob! [snatches the mustard bottle from SpongeBob and opens it] It's empty! [shoves the mustard bottle into SpongeBob's eye] See? Empty!
• SpongeBob: Wow, Squidward, how did you know that? [Squidward takes the mustard bottle out of his eye]
• Squidward: Well, let's see, maybe 'cause I have a brain. [as he says this, he leans his right arm on top of the grill, which is on]
• SpongeBob: Oh-uh, Squidward, uh, the grill is on.
• Squidward: Oh, really? And do you think that I don't know that this grill is...? [notices that his hand is burning on the grill and screams, then runs around SpongeBob]
• SpongeBob: I gotta do something. [removes the mop and then takes the bucket of water. Squidward runs to the right] Okay, Squidward, this should help. [turns the bucket sideways and is ready pour it on Squidward, but accidentally spills the water. Squidward slips on the puddle of water and is flying in mid-air] Don't worry, Squidward, I'll catch you. [grabs his jellyfishing net and holds it up to catch Squidward, but Squidward goes in and hits the wall, snapping the net in the process. Squidward then falls in a deep fryer and is being fried. SpongeBob screams and goes over to the deep fryer and picks up the net containing Squidward, who looks like an ice cream cone when fried. We see a close up of the fried Squidward] I can fix this. [runs but accidentally trips on the mop that was on the floor, hitting a tin cupboard, bouncing off, and slamming into the wall next to the order window. Squidward is sent flying and into Harold's Krabby Patty taking its place. Harold unknowingly takes a bite out of Squidward causing both to scream. Squidward jumps away and flies into the other direction as SpongeBob runs to intercept him] This time, I got ya. [Squidward hits his face and bounces off. Squidward finally collides into a soda dispenser, causing SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs to gasps. Squidward, now no longer fried, lies there muttering as the soda sprays on him, Mr. Krabs rushes near the mess]
• Mr. Krabs: Me sod-er machine! [cries]
• SpongeBob: Squidward, can you hear me? How many fingers am I-?
• Squidward: [screams] No! [He starts to gain conscious but once he sees SpongeBob, he screams and smacks SpongeBob away and continues screaming, as Mr. Krabs watches surprised, then he leaps behind a table, destroying it]
• SpongeBob: Squidward? [Squidward screams and whacks two customers away, then climbs up the wall and starts blabbering]
• Mr. Krabs: Well, you really sent him over the edge this time.
• SpongeBob: Technically, I drove him up the wall.
• French Narrator: [reading time card] One shift later...
• [SpongeBob is mopping the Krusty Krab floor when Squidward arrives.]
• Squidward: Oh, SpongeBob, I got a present for you.
• SpongeBob: [gives a big smile with twinkling eyes] Present? A present? For me?
• Squidward: Now, now. Calm down. I've should've given this to you a long time ago.
• [Squidward knocks SpongeBob down and gives him the piece of paper.]
• SpongeBob: Wow, Squidward! My very own... [looks at the restraining order stating that he is not allowed to be within 15 feet of Squidward] restraining order. Uh...what is that?
• Squidward: Perhaps my lawyers should explain. [points over to his lawyers Harry, Combover, and Bald]
• Harry: We are the law offices of Harry, Combover, and Bald! Specializing in restraining order logical law and here to tell one Mr. SquarePants...
• Harry, Combover, and Bald: You've been served!
• SpongeBob: Served? I don't understand. Squidward, what is these guys...? [before he can reach Squidward, he is stopped by Harry and Combover, and Bald pushes Squidward further from him]
• Bald: Per paragraph 3 of the restraining order, you may no longer speak to our client. [draws a dot circle on the floor with chalk] Likewise, you may not come within 15 feet of Mr. Squidward at any time. Any infractions of these statutes will result in serious jail time!
• SpongeBob: Can you make Krabby Patties for loyal Krusty Krab patrons during "serious jail time"?
• Bald: Huh? [Squidward whispers in his ear]
• Squidward: And. [back to whispering]
• Bald: No.
• SpongeBob: [screams] No! I don't wanna go!
• Combover: Well, then, follow the guidelines we've explain and you won't have to.
• SpongeBob: Uh, sirs? If I can't speak to, or get within fifteen feet of Squidward, how are we going to get anything done around here?
• Harry, Combover, and Bald: That's not our problem! [they all fly off]
• SpongeBob: [walks in front of the dotted line] Hmm...
• [The scene fades to SpongeBob cooking Krabby Patties and puts them on a long hand-made spatula made of wood and mops.]
• SpongeBob: There we go! Three Krabby Patties, two large Kelpy Colas, and three fries ready to be served. [rings bell repeatedly and tries to give Squidward the order, but he rolls up a glass window] Hmm? [carries the order on the hand-made spatula with stings and another piece of wood on the other side of Squidward also in front of the door. He rings the bell repeatedly until Mr. Krabs comes out, walks right into the order, and it knocks him on the ground] Oops! [runs over to Mr. Krabs] Sorry about that, Mr. Krabs! It's just so hard to get this food to Squidward without violating this restraining order. [shows him the restraining order]
• Mr. Krabs: Let me see that. [takes the restraining order and wipes the mustard off him, then gives it back to SpongeBob] Thank you. Look, boy, I don't know what in coral cabins a restraining order is, but I do know whatever's going on here clearly ain't working. Now I want this ship sailing smoothly! On the double! Or I'll be forced to remove more gold stars from your employee performance chart! [takes away a star from SpongeBob's Employee Chart]
• SpongeBob: [panics] Think, SpongeBob, think! [gasps] I got it!
• [Bubble transition to Patrick in the Krusty Krab.]
• Patrick: [giggling and moves closer and closer to Squidward] Hehe.
• Squidward: [reading a book] Oh, if I ignore it, maybe it will go away.
• Patrick: [still giggling] Hehe.
• Squidward: I thought not. [closes the book] Oh-kay Patrick. What? What? What!
• Patrick: [still giggling] Notice anything... [smacks Squidward's noise with the Krusty Krab employee hat he is wearing] Different? Huh? Huh? A hint! [takes out a drawing held upside-down of the Krusty Krab employee hat pointing to it and his Krusty Krab employee hat]
• Mr. Krabs: Patrick! I am not not paying you to stand around and play guess what the idiot's thinking with Squidward! Get back to work!
• Squidward: Yeah, Patrick! Get back to...what? Work? Oh no! No! No! No! Krabs! [exits out of the register boat and walks past SpongeBob who moves backwards then forwards] Mr. Krabs!
• Mr. Krabs: Why all the shivering of the timbers, Mr. Squidward?
• Squidward: Mr. Krabs! This will not stand!
• Mr. Krabs: It'll stand. Oh, unless you'd rather talk with SpongeBob.
• [Squidward grunts angrily. Bubble transition to a customer ordering a Krabby Patty. Squidward hands Patrick the ticket and Patrick takes it to SpongeBob who then makes the Krabby Patties then hands it to Patrick. Patrick gives the order to Squidward who then gives it to the customer.]
• Squidward: What?
• Patrick: Can I watch you work?
• Squidward: No.
• Patrick: Please?
• Squidward: No.
• Patrick: Please?
• Squidward: No.
• Patrick: Please?
• Squidward: No.
• Patrick: Please?
• Squidward: No.
• Patrick: Pretty please?
• Squidward: [gets fed up with Patrick begging] No! No! No! No! [growls] [Patrick continues to follow him] Go away, Patrick! Go away, Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! [washes hands and Patrick appears in the mirror] Patrick! [Patrick touches his Krusty Krab employee hat] Patrick! [pushes a button on the cash register and Patrick appears] Patrick! [starts walking with Patrick closely following him behind] Patrick! [using the restroom with Patrick beside him] Patrick! [starts sweating and shivering with Mr. Krabs now beside him]
• Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward?
• [Squidward screams.]
• Mr. Krabs: Time for your break. [walks off]
• Squidward: Ah... don't mind if I do. [sits down] Ah...no better way to spend a break than with a little cool jazz. [takes out the box that holds his clarinet and tries to play it but it isn't there] Huh?
• Patrick: [comes out of the restroom] Hi Squidward!
• Squidward: Hello... you...
• Patrick: I just finished cleaning the restroom!
• Squidward: [sarcastically] Ooh... that's great...
• Patrick: I mopped the floors! I shined the mirrors! I scrubbed the sinks.
• Squidward: [sarcastically] Wonderful.
• Patrick: Oh yeah! [takes out Squidward's clarinet that is soaking wet] But we are going to need a new toilet plunger. This one's broken.
• Squidward: Patrick! [takes back the clarinet and growls at Patrick which Mr. Krabs appears to see what is happening]
• Mr. Krabs: Nice work, Patrick! Break time's over, Mr. Squidward.
• Squidward: [walks over to a customer] Welcome to the House of Misery. May I take your order?
• Dave: Yes, I would like two Double Fried Kelp Fritters, three Krusty Krab Cream Filled Corals, and four Triple Fatty Krabby Patties. Is that too much?
• Squidward: That depends...
• Dave: On what?
• Squidward: How long you want to live? [laughs and walks right into Patrick]
• Patrick: [laughs as Squidward's nose is stuck in his mouth. Squidward tries hard to get his nose free and he does but goes flying in the process] Hah hah! Squidward's funny! [looks down and picks up a brown button] Hey, a button!
• Gus: [comes in holding a pie] Oh, Grammy, I brought your favorite; seaberry pie. [notices Squidward flying toward him] Yikes! [runs away]
• Squidward: [crashes into the seaberry pie and then onto the window. Then he tastes the pie] Seaberries? I'm allergic to... [his body and face puff up] seaberries... That's it! I know what I must do! [starts walking toward SpongeBob] SpongeBob!
• Patrick: You're the prettiest button I've ev... [spots Squidward] Huh? Monster!
• Squidward: SpongeBob!
• Patrick: It's after SpongeBob! [pause and looks at the button] You're right, button! No monster is going to eat our friend! [jumps up high and yells; heads toward Squidward]
• Squidward: SpongeBob! [notices Patrick coming towards him] No, no no no wait!
• [Patrick lands on Squidward and starts attacking him. They both head into the back where SpongeBob is then they start fighting.]
• SpongeBob: Oh no! My two best friends are fighting! [takes out the restraining order] But this restraining order says I can't get close enough to break it off! [watches as Squidward squirts mustard at Patrick's face and Patrick then hits him with a spatula. They both continue to roll around and fight] I'm sorry, restraining order! But my friends need me! [screams and dives toward Squidward and Patrick and breaks up the fighting] Stop!
• Squidward: Huh? [notices the restraining order in SpongeBob's pocket and takes it] Give me that restraining order!
• [SpongeBob freaks out.]
• Squidward: Alright, let's look at this.
• SpongeBob: Squidward, [grabs Squidward's legs] please don't send me to jail!
• Patrick: [confused] Squidward? [looks at his button] Did you know the monster was Squidward? Well, when were you going to tell me?
• SpongeBob: [starts crying] I violated the restraining order! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
• Squidward: Quit bellyaching and hand me a pen.
• SpongeBob: [cries] Here you go. [hands him a pen then continues crying]
• Squidward: Stop the waterworks! You are not going to jail.
• SpongeBob: [sniffs] I'm not? [stops crying]
• Squidward: No! I'm releasing you from this order. [crosses out SpongeBob's name on the restraining order]
• SpongeBob: Really, Squidward?
• Squidward: And adding someone who's much more deserving!
• Patrick: Sorry, button.
• Squidward: No, Patrick! You! [shows the restraining order with "Patrick Star" now written on it]
• Patrick: Oh! [laughs hysterically as the episode ends]