SB-129/transcript — spongebob

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "SB-129" from season 1, which aired on December 31, 1999.

Robotic Voice: [reading title card] SB-129.
[The episode opens with a view of Bikini Atoll in the morning.]
French Narrator: Ah, it is Sunday morning in Bikini Bottom, and it is about time for Squidward to practice his clarinet. So get your ear plugs ready.
Squidward: [kisses his clarinet] I think I'll treat Bikini Bottom to some real music. [He gets ready to play his clarinet, and then SpongeBob's alarm clock goes off, sending Squidward's clarinet into his throat] Yow! [Struggles to dislodge the clarinet out of his throat.]
SpongeBob: Good morning, Squidward! Wanna go jellyfishing? [Squidward tries to yell, but his clarinet sounds every time he tries to talk] Great! We'll be right over! [Squidward pulls the clarinet out of his throat. Door knocks are heard]
Squidward: I wonder who that could be. [Squidward opens the door]
SpongeBob: Ready to go?
Squidward: No, I'm not "ready to go!" [slams the door]
Patrick: He doesn't wanna play with us.
SpongeBob: No, Patrick, he's just not ready. [Squidward tries to play his clarinet, but he hears another knock at the door] Ready now?
Squidward: No! [slams door. Then he goes back to try to play clarinet is interrupted once again by yet another knock at door. Squidward gets angry.]
SpongeBob: How about now?
Squidward: No! [slams the door. The knock on the door is heard again] Huh? [opens door]
SpongeBob: Now?
Squidward: No! [slams the door. Another knock on the door and he opens it]
SpongeBob: Now?
Squidward: No! [slams door, then opens it]
SpongeBob: How about now?
Squidward: No! [slams door, then opens it]
SpongeBob: Now?
Squidward: No! [slams door, then opens it]
SpongeBob: Now?
Squidward: No! [slams door, then opens it]
SpongeBob: Now?
Squidward: No! [slams door, then opens it]
SpongeBob: Now?
Squidward: No! [slams door, then opens it] No! [SpongeBob and Patrick are gone and they approach Squidward from behind. SpongeBob taps his shoulder] What?!
SpongeBob: Ready yet?
Squidward: No, I'm not ready! I'll never be ready! Don't you get it?!
SpongeBob: Sure we do.
Squidward: What? [stammers] D'oh...! [shuts the door and leaves his house, then realizes he's outside. He runs back to his door and knocks. SpongeBob opens it]
SpongeBob: Ready? [Squidward slaps his forehead, and then pushes SpongeBob and Patrick out of his house]
Squidward: Out! Sheesh! Shouldn't you be at work today, SpongeBob?!
SpongeBob: I'd love to be at work today! But it's Sunday; the Krusty Krab is closed. [Squidward gets an idea]
Squidward: Hold on a second. I'll be right out. [closes the door. Squidward tiptoes out the other way of his house to the Krusty Krab, and enters] Hello...? [silence] Ahh, alone at last. [tries to play his clarinet, but SpongeBob and Patrick are heard outside]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Squidward! Squidward? [Squidward runs into the kitchen as SpongeBob and Patrick come in the Krusty Krab and search for Squidward] Squidward! [Squidward runs into the freezer] Squidward? Oh, Squidward! [Squidward peeks out as SpongeBob and Patrick look for him] Squidward!
SpongeBob: Well, he's not here. I'll bet that eager-beaver's already down at Jellyfish Fields!
Squidward: A-ha! They're finally gone! [tries to open the freezer, but it's locked from the inside!] What the...? [tries to open it multiple times] Locked?! Oh, no! Oh well, someone will realize I'm gone and come looking for me. I'll be out of here in no time.
French Narrator: 2,000 years later...
[the scene shows Squidward still inside the freezer, frozen; the hinges are rusty, and they fall off; the door falls with Squidward frozen behind it; a robot descendant of SpongeBob flies past and then back to Squidward]
SpongeTron: Holy Krabby Patties! A frozen cephalopod! [SpongeTron grabs a chrome hammer; from the hammer comes a red laser, which melts the ice and hits Squidward's buttocks; Squidward screams]
Squidward: [trancelike] I'll be out of here in no time.
SpongeTron: Greetings, primitive.
Squidward: Sp...SpongeBob? Is that you?
SpongeTron: SpongeBob? No! [robot voice] I am SpongeTron. [normal voice] Welcome to the future!
Squidward: What?
SpongeTron: Welcome to the future!
Squidward: Uh, the future... [notices everything's chrome] Huh?! O-okay, uh, what's going on here? Why is everything... chrome?
SpongeTron: Everything is chrome in the future!
Squidward: Wha...? [stammers and runs to look outside a window] Oh, my... [notices the chrome environment. The screen pans around the chrome environment.] Impossible! He's lying!
[A flower pops up from underground, then a truck comes, Incidental 119 gets out of the truck, runs up to the flower, sprays it with chrome spray paint, then runs back in the truck and drives away. Squidward looks at the screen.]
Squidward: [Looks away from the window] He's right!
SpongeTron: Of course I'm right, Squidward! Just ask my clones: SpongeTrons X, Y, and Z. [Squidward flinches as a trio of SpongeTron clones have suddenly appeared next to them]
Squidward: Are the other letters of the alphabet involved here?
SpongeTron: Sure! All 486 of them! [A calendar on the wall says March 6, 4017 A.D. This means Squidward entered the freezer on March 6, 2017. Squidward does a few sit-ups while he talks as if he is trying to wake up]
Squidward: [Lays down and starts doing sit-ups] Fuuuuuture! Fuuuuuture! Fuuuuuture! Fuuuuuture! [SpongeTron drops a brick on Squidward's head] Thanks. Now listen! All of you! I don't belong here. This is all a horrible mistake! Please, we've got to do something!
SpongeTrons X, Y, and Z: [pull out jellyfishing nets] Jellyfishing! [a two-headed Patrick appears out of nowhere]
PatTron: Did somebody say, "jellyfishing"?
SpongeTron: Hi, PatTron!
Squidward: J-just listen to me! I'm not supposed to be here! I've gotta get home to my own time period! I've gotta go!
SpongeTron: Well, why didn't you just ask? The time machine is down the hall, to the left. [Squidward runs to the door, laughs and enters, but the sound of a can-opener being used is heard. Squidward steps out and is torn into pieces, now appearing like a spring-shaped patch of skin] Oops! Oh, yeah, that one's the can opener... but try the one on the right. [Squidward tries the door on the right and enters a pink and green room that has a slot-looking machine that says "past" and "future" with a key near the slot]
Squidward: Well, I wouldn't've chosen this interior... [notices time-travel handle] Oh, what's this? Well, if SpongeBob exists in the future, I'd better go to the past! [Squidward turns the key and puts the lever on "past." Siren goes off as time machine disappears from where it used to be in the Krusty Krab. SpongeTron waves at Squidward. The door and the wall fly through a hyperspace-like warp, then the time machine appears in a primitive Bikini Bottom.]
Squidward: [looks out and sees an Ammonite swim by. Whales calls can be heard] Wow, primitive. Has sort of an old-world charm. [a snake-like creature swims by really close to Squidward's face] Whoa! I guess this is before manners were invented! Well, at least there's no sign of SpongeBrat. Maybe now I can finally be alone with my clarinet. [hears a noise, turns around, but some shadow quickly hides. He hears another noise and checks again, but a different shadow hides] Huh? [one of the shadow figures swing from tree to tree] Huh? What?! [a shadow figure hides behind a tree] Huh!? [the other shadow figure hides behind a ledge. Squidward keeps walking and then notices a Prehistoric Sponge on the ground] SpongeBob? [Primate Sponge screams] Stay back! [Primate Sponge touches Squidward's arm and then sniffs his finger from what he touched. Tries to give some to Squidward] Uh, no thanks. [Squidward feels someone breathing on him and he turns and notices a Prehistoric Starfish breathing on him. Prehistoric Starfish smiles and reveals nasty, rotten teeth] Uh, hi there. Well, I better be going now. [Prehistoric Sponge grabs Squidward's tentacle] Yes, that's my arm. [Prehistoric Sponge puts Squidward's arm on his head and Prehistoric Starfish licks his hand] Oh, that's sweet. [Prehistoric Starfish gets scared; he smashes on the ground and gets the shivers] What, is it time for your flea bath now? [a jellyfish swims by and Prehistoric Starfish ducks for protection] Oh, look, it's just a little jellyfish. [Primate Sponge and Prehistoric Starfish run around screaming] Well, I'm going away now. [Squidward walks away] Ah, here's a nice, shady spot, away from those fools!
[Squidward plays his clarinet and each time he tries to play, but Primate Sponge and Prehistoric Starfish holler in pain while each giving a turn at holding the jellyfish]
Squidward: What are you simpletons doing?! You're supposed to catch these things, not torture yourself with them! [Primate Sponge and Prehistoric Starfish are confused] Give me those loincloths! [Primate Sponge and Prehistoric Starfish tear off a piece of their loincloth] I can't believe it. [mumbles to self. Crafts the loincloth jellyfishing nets. Shows them the nets.] This oughta make things go a little smoother! [gives Primate Sponge and Prehistoric Starfish their nets. They put the nets on their lips. Squidward facepalms and grabs the nets back] Give me those things! You're supposed to catch them, like this! [Squidward catches the jellyfish in one of the loincloth nets] It's called jellyfishing. [Primate SpongeBob and Prehistoric Starfish grab the nets and chase the jellyfish] Ah, finally. [sits on the ground and plays his clarinet. Primate Sponge and Prehistoric Starfish hear it, go berserk and chase Squidward. Squidward runs into the time machine as Primate Sponge and Prehistoric Starfish try to get in by climbing on top of it; Squidward screams] Get me outta here! [frantically jams lever up and down and accidentally snaps it off] Uh-oh. [the word FUTURE spins like a slot machine, and stops on 2 lemons and a "BAR"]
Time Machine: Loser!
[Primate Sponge and Prehistoric Starfish are banging on the time machine trying to get to Squidward until it disappears into thin-air. The time machine shakes from the inside, with Squidward scared. The camera zooms in, with a "paint" effect, then the camera is on Squidward's face, and a color change effect goes off as Squidward mouths the line "What's going on?" without audible dialogue. The screen flashes white, and the time machine goes through all sorts of dimensions, with one with a computer-like area, then the time machine folds like paper, and it vanishes with a zap sound.]
[Squidward appears in a blank, white space. He walks around, and hears a strange voice. He then notices some colored tiles and lifts one up and it floats and vanishes]
Squidward: He's not here. No more SpongeBob. No more! I may finally have found a place where I can be all... [Squidward becomes tiny] ...alone! [a bunch of "alone" sayings appear with a different voice as each comes up]
Voices: Alone! Alone! Alone! Alone! Alone! Alone! Alone! Alone! Alone! Alone! Alone! Alone! Alone! Alone! Alone! [Continuous "Alone" chanting is heard, as the screen continuously gets smaller and smaller]
Squidward: [is now suddenly closer to the camera and speaks to it] I gotta get outta of here! [Squidward tries to run, but he runs off and on the scene. He stops and tries to catch his breath. A strange voice is heard again, he holds his head, sweats a little, and runs again off and on the scene. He stops running after three tries to get out, yet another strange voice is heard when he stops] Where's the time machine?! Where's anything?! Where, where, where, where?! [jumps up and down angrily and busts a hole through the ground into the time machine. The handle is still broken off. Squidward bangs on the broken controls and sobs] I wanna go home! I wanna go home! I wanna go home! I wanna go home! I miss Bikini Bottom! I miss my Easter Island head! I even miss SpongeBob! [right when Squidward says "SpongeBob," the time machine disappears and reappears in present time Bikini Bottom where SpongeBob and Patrick are still waiting for Squidward in front of his house] SpongeBob! Patrick!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Hi, Squidward.
Squidward: Oh, I'm back! I can't believe this. I-I-I was in space, a-and I went to the future, and-and then I went to the past, and-and then-then I was nowhere, but now I'm back, and-and... you don't know how happy I am to see you guys.
SpongeBob: Does this mean you wanna go...
SpongeBob and Patrick: Jellyfishing?
Squidward: [yelling] No! D'oh! Who's the barnacle head who invented that game anyway?
SpongeBob and Patrick: You are, Squidward! [Squidward turns his head to face the camera again. SpongeBob and Patrick laugh as the scene cuts to Bikini Atoll on the surface]
Squidward: I'm going back. [The episode ends.]